From My Front Porch

Echos

2011-03-31T14:01:00.001-07:00

God's love echoes throughout our days. Mightily and unrelentingly, God whispers "I love you" over and over again. For whatever reason we often fail to pick up on His gracious outpouring of love.

Christians often take for granted the self-sacrifice of God. When we think of sacrifice we may consider it as going home to eat instead of heading to a restaurant. Or maybe it is a sacrifice to not buy the latest computer and make due with the old one. However, God's sacrifice is deeply and radically different from ours. Sometimes I have to see this sacrificial love through the eyes of another human being in order to understand.

Abraham was told by God to sacrifice his beloved son Isaac. Walking up the mountain to that sacrificial altar was more than morning hike. It was a journey back to childless days because of infertility, a spoken promise of God that seemed would never come and finally the dream child Isaac who was from all outward appearances headed to a sacrificial fire. It is a gut wrenching pain that many understand as they loose their child to disease, famine and ultimately this sinful world.

This is the sacrifice of our God. He sent His only Son, righteous and holy, to earth. His Son entered our world, experiencing our joys and the pain laden on our backs because of sin. But Christ didn't stop there. He took on death for us so we could have life today.

This Easter I pray you experience the relentless echo of Christ's love. May you know freedom from death and walk into the life He has given you merely for the asking. Listen to God say "I love you forever" over and over again.

The First Front Porch Day of 2011

2011-02-17T12:44:00.000-08:00

It is 75 degrees on February 17. As you can imagine, I am on my front porch both working and taking in God's creation. Feeding the birds, sitting with Sable, listening to wind through the leafless trees, smelling the earth warm up under the sun and even Dennis' honey bees out for an afternoon flight have me ready for Spring's new life. Thankfully Winter doesn't last long. Each season plays an important part of life on this earth. The seasons carry out rest, renewal, growth and harvest in orderly fashion designed by the hand of God.

Our spiritual seasons have a similar ebb and flow. Rest, renewal, growth and harvest all play a significant role in our spiritual growth. Solomon said it best, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." (Ecc. 3:1)

Renewal is my season right now. There is a quiet urgency to get ready for the next season of growth. The Word, prayer, silence and counting my blessings are all spiritual exercises that renew my soul and allow my roots to grow preparing me for the next growth spurt.

Thankfully God is very present in each season.

Living life loved.

Love My New Role

2010-11-10T15:05:00.000-08:00

There aren't words for the privilege of loving children. Why God even begins to trust us with the care and nurture of another human being is sometimes beyond me. Our dreams and hopes for each generation is that they will know the love of God.

There is an amazing joy in watching our own children love their children. Seeing their joy and watching them fall head over heals crazy gaga over their Ty has totally blown me away. Josh and Amy are wonderful parents. Ty adores his mama and can't get enough of his daddy. They know that Ty's spiritual formation is their responsibility. Psalm 78:4 says, "we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, His power and the wonders He has done."

Now as Grandma, I am learning my greatest privilege is to pray, love and encourage. I so believe in my kids. They are followers of Christ who have dedicated their whole lives to serving Him. I trust their hearts and I trust our Lord to lead them well. My job is not done, simply different. And I absolutely love my new role.

Shake It Off

2010-06-25T10:48:00.001-07:00

This morning I was reminded that we often are called to shake off the enemy’s attempts to steal our joy. He uses quit a few different tactics like fear, pride, paranoia... His list is long. However, when you recognize His schemes and know God’s truth, you can move forward in faith. For me the Word of God is life. The Word along with the Holy Spirit are the sources for discerning between my own hang ups or the enemy’s schemes and the truth God has put before me.

Lean into the Word and listen for the Spirit. If we don’t, we will be dragged into enemy territory.

Jesus Is Enough

2010-06-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

Jesus is enough.

There are moments and seasons in life when words cannot give meaning to all that goes on deep within the soul. When those seasons arise, Jesus is enough. When your heart feels like it will break in two, Jesus is enough. When your days fill up with stress, Jesus is enough. When you know that getting out of bed in the morning will start another day of more of the same, Jesus is enough. When life as you know it has just been turned upside down and sideways, Jesus is enough. When all you can do is look into the eyes of our Lord, then look deeply. There you will find comfort, understanding and the power of God to heal and transform you in your real life present moment.

Simple Prayers

2010-04-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

This morning as I spent some moments in quiet, I asked God to show me one simple thing I can do today to connect with Him. It wasn’t long after that I picked up a book I read last fall titled “Same Kind Of Different As Me.” (For those who read, I would highly recommend it) In the book I read this line that rocked me back on my heels. It said, “Recycle the love you’ve been given to somebody that’s not easy to love.”

A few years ago I determined that I would live my life loved, in other words that I would live to trust, experience and believe daily that God loves me. By doing so, I believed that God would deeply transform me into the woman He created me to be. With praise and glory to God, He is helping me on that journey.

There are always next steps though. Now I am to recycle that love not only to those who are easy to love, but to those who are far different than me, those I don’t understand or those who don’t like me. Might I add this isn’t just in word but in deed.

Well so much for asking God for a simple way to connect to Him :) He has a way of answering our prayers.

Reflections From My Soul

2010-03-26T06:55:00.001-07:00

Over the past weeks I have been taking time to think about the events of the day. Taking time to reflect and meditate is counter to life as we know it. Sometimes the reflections hold up a mirror to my face and reflect back the issues I don’t want to deal with.

Last week while at Beaver Lake, I sat out on the deck. Early in the morning, the lake is extremely calm. It was so calm that the lake clearly reflected the landscape. When the breeze would pick up, the reflection was blurry.

While taking in that beautiful scenery I was reminded that my life is to reflect the beauty of Christ while living out His character. However, the wind will toss us around to the point that our lives are veiled to the world and Christ is barely noticeable to us or to those around us. Sitting on that deck, I know I need to dedicate time for Christ to search my soul so He can transform me from the inside out. No matter what life throws our direction, may we open our minds, hearts and souls to His redeeming touch, allowing Him to change our direction and destination.

2010-02-18T11:59:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to bed knowing that I was to lead a devotional during Soul Care at 6:30 a.m. without a clue as to what God might have in mind for our time. I normally do not make this a habit, but for the life of me I could not get a sense from God. So, headed to bed without clear direction does not make for a great night's sleep.

The alarm went of at 5:30 without even a trace of a dream to hang on to. By 6:15 I was headed to Soul Care knowing that God would meet us where we were. He lead our time in Psalm 23, through John 10:1-5 then on to Zeph 3:17. May God's Word refresh and restore your soul.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. ² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
       he leads me beside quiet waters,
³ he restores my soul.
       He guides me in paths of righteousness
       for his name's sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
       through the valley of the shadow of death, ^[a]
       I will fear no evil,
       for you are with me;
       your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me.
⁵ You prepare a table before me
       in the presence of my enemies.
       You anoint my head with oil;
       my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely goodness and love will follow me
       all the days of my life,
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
       forever.

John 10

The Shepherd and His Flock

¹"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. ²The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. ³The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. ⁵But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice."

Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)

¹⁷ The LORD your God is with you,
       he is mighty to save.
       He will take great delight in you,
       he will quiet you with his love,
       he will rejoice over you with singing."

Strong Teams

2010-02-18T11:39:00.000-08:00

Strong teams share some common traits. They know the direction they are headed. They bring it all and leave it all on the field each and every time. They come as individuals with incredible strengths knowing they don’t stand a chance without their team mates beside them. They celebrate each other, don’t always agree on every detail and are ready to step on to the playing field. Focusing on results and growth they begin to move in sync as one. They become family, living life in the thick and thin.

Great teams do not happen over night or by accident. It is no accident that God has created you with strengths to be a part of something bigger than you could ever do or become on your own. Each person influences family, co workers and friends 24/7 to follow God through living lives of integrity, compassion and love. Don’t minimize your roles in real time life and the kingdom significance you have there

Yesterdays, Today and Tomorrows

2010-02-09T15:40:00.000-08:00

So where did time go? Time is now all those wonderful memories that I hold and treasure. Thankfulness for the past and great hope for our future is some of God's great gifts.

Take a look at your babies and know there will come a day that you will send them off into the world. Help them get ready. Teach them about Jesus. Show them how to handle pain and disappointment. Remember skinned knees teaches them that there is someone to help them up. Show them how to rejoice in the Lord and all He gives them.

Lauren emailed wanting my pie crust recipe. Then it hit me. I never taught Lauren how to make pie crust. She has watched but we never took the time to actually have a hands on lesson, a hands on lesson of what makes a good crust or how a good pie crust feels in your hands while you are working with it, or the little secrets to making the crust beautifully golden. I didn't ever get that done.

Wow where did the time go?

Time is today, this moment. At the end of each day, I long to live in the "No Regrets" zone. Keep short relational accounts. Love people well. Listen more than talk. Speak kindly even when you don't feel like it. And when you don't do any of those things well take responsibility for it, seek forgiveness, get up and move on.

I sent the pie crust recipe to Lauren. She's a big girl now. She'll figure it out, call if she needs anything and learn her own tricks. Hope she shares them with me because I have a lot to learn. :)

2010-02-09T15:24:00.000-08:00

Well I am on day number 9 of Dennis' 10 day trip to Honduras. Man am I ready to see him. I miss him like crazy. The house is quiet, too quiet. Cooking for myself stinks. I can take about 3 or 4 days ok, 7 if I have to. But 10? This is nuts.

One good thing to Dennis being gone? Less laundry. Hummmmm, I think I would rather do laundry. Did I just say that?

Miss you darlin and come home to me soon!

Babies and Grandmas

2010-01-29T09:20:00.000-08:00

Grandma. I thought "Mama" was the most precious name I could have. Even to this day, as old as my kids are, I love to be called Mama. However, I have a feeling that my heart strings are about to move to the sweet sound of baby calling out "Grandma" or "Mee Maw" or "Nana" or whatever this precious one will call me. Yes I am going to be Grandma. The role of Mom is amazing and the role of Grandma is beyond words.

I am looking forward to many things. Naps, reading books, snuggling, baking cookies, outdoor walks, playing in the snow, days on the lake, overnighters while mom and dad are gone or simply need time away, movies, projects...wow the list is endless.

So pass this on to other women. I would love to hear from you. What are your favorite memories of your Grandma? What made her special to you? If you are a Grandma, what do you love to do with your grandkids and how are you creating memories for them?

Please comment and send out the word!
Thanks,
Cathy

Words For The Tough Days

2010-01-29T09:14:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up feeling attacked. Sharing this with a friend via text, she emailed back words that I believe God wanted to me to hear. I am simply going to pass her email along to you. May it refresh your heart and soul as it has mine today.

Habbakuk 3:17-19

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the LORD, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."

I think it's interesting to note that it says at the end: "To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments." So, it's likely that this was a song.

You invest in people, you invest in projects, you work hard to sow into those you've been called to. And, yet, there are times when there is no crop. Nothing to show for it. Sometimes there's been a spat of bad weather. Sometimes bugs have gotten in the way. Sometimes there is no explanation for why there is desolation where there should be life.

Sometimes, like Elijah's servant, we just can't SEE the things that are real. We see only an enemey's army and not our Protector's. Sometimes, like Elijah himself, we survive and thrive in the midst of an awesome test and showing of God's power, like with the prophets of Baal, and yet we end up defeated beneath a tree, asking for God to take us to Him rather than let us be swallowed up in lonelineness.

Regardless of the whys and hows and even the whats, our God is merciful. He doesn't expect us to see everything. He doesn't expect us to rejoice in the lack. He, in his lovingkindness, helps us survive. Yes, he came to give us life, and more abundantly. But, the Author of your heart surely knows its limitations.

I am praying for you to take your joy in God...your strength. Your provision. Your rescuer. Your answer. Your crop.

Thanks Jena for your obedience in sharing.

Spiritual Space

2010-01-25T10:08:00.000-08:00

This week, I have been challenged to make space for God in my life. Giving Him permission to work the way He wants rather than what I am merely willing to accept is a huge step for me. As life changes, I am beginning to recognize that so much of what I had planned for He has changed. Prayers tend to be directed about what I desire rather than listening for what He wants.

God is leading me to quiet green pastures beside still waters where He longs to restore my soul. Funny thing is that is a place within my soul. It isn’t simply a departure from life but a place where my soul resides even in the midst of chaos. This “place” is not in the physical. I definitely have a responsibility to quiet my soul, making space by pulling away for moments of silence with God. But as I return to those quiet places, I may be in a meeting, doing household chores or taking a walk.

Friends, without sounding pink, take some time to sit in silence with God giving Him permission to speak as He desires instead of telling Him what you want. Then after some time of silence, lay your greatest need before Him allowing His light to shine on this challenge you face. Listen to Him. Allow Him to show you what you need to see. Give Him space to speak, move, direct and give you all you need.

New Year Thoughts

2009-12-24T06:13:00.000-08:00

The new year prompts me to pause and assess the past year. Counting my blessings, I recognize that the teams I work beside are a huge part of the good things I experienced this year. Some of you are new to the teams and in you God has brought me new friends. Those of you who have been here for a while have become even more dear to me over this year. All of you serve tirelessly bringing your best. Your best creates a synergy that stirs me to bring my best

We had a first this year. The “Come Hungry Concert” was a great success. God was lifted up, decisions were made to follow Christ and families sacrificed together as they ate beans and rice that week. The worship team grew together as we worked hard. Their talent, hours of rehearsal and personal practice laid out in surrender before God gave Him glory and blessed the church. We as a team grew in relationship as we prayed, practiced and laughed together.

As individuals you have worked on your talents by honing your gift. The music you are producing now is not what you produced a little over a year ago. You keep stretching and growing in your musical abilities. I simply praise God for each of you and admire your dedication.

This next year God has much in store for us. We may not know all the details but we generally know the path. It is one in which we see Him more clearly, love Him more dearly, and follow Him more nearly day by precious day. It is a walk of worship. This worship walk is lived out in the way we love our spouses, kids, friends and the world. That is worship. Music is a very small avenue of worship. Life 24/7 is the worship highway.

As creation participates in worship by simply being what it was created to be, we have the privilege of entering each day in worship by living out our God ordained purpose. God's purpose for me is simple. It is to love Him with everything that is within me. As a result everything I do should be motivated by this love affair with my God. I do life for Him and with Him.

I believe we make following Him complicated. We try to find the perfect will of God when HIs perfect will is spelled out very succinctly. "Love God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength." Simple.

The Magi

2009-12-17T07:31:00.000-08:00

Like you, I have been pondering the Christmas Story this season. My focus today is on the Magi. We know they came from the east. Some speculate it was a long ways east from which they traveled for many days or even months. What strikes a chord in me is that they came with nothing more than “theory” and a star to lead them. What drove them to travel far and wide, to follow a star in search of another King? What gnawed inside of them that simply would not go away and caused them to leave behind the familiar in order to find this King they did not know?

Upon finding this baby King, they were overjoyed and bowed down in worship. As I let this scene play out in my imagination, I am overcome with their responses of joy and worship. Their search lead them to bow down to a baby in worship...true, real, honest, vulnerable worship. Months of hard travel, wondering if they were crazy while following a star, resulted in joy.

The question I have to ask myself is am I willing to leave what I know in order to search for my King? My search, like the Magi will result in overwhelming joy and worship. May our search lead us to our King, our Lord, our Savior, our Redeemer and our Friend Jesus Christ.

2009-12-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

I was reading from Luke 8:18. The words of Jesus, “Therefore consider carefully how you listen.” For some reason this has stopped me in my tracks today. Reflect on His words, read through the chapter and then listen.

Listening is becoming a lost form of communication. God is pushing me to be a better listener. The nudging to listen to people’s words calls me to pay attention to their hearts. The prayer of Richard of Chichester says it better than I can. It reads, “To see You more clearly. To love You more dearly. To follow You more nearly, day by day.” When I stop to listen to God and others, truth becomes clearer and life is more vibrant.

During this Christmas season, steal away some moments to quietly listen to the cries of a baby, our Savior, born in Bethlehem.

Omnitasking or Solotasking

2009-12-04T09:34:00.000-08:00

I have been reading and musing over the book “The Good and Beautiful God” by James Bryon Smith. (I recommend it) The last chapter was about slowing down in order to live in the present moment with God. Admittedly, I don’t have this one down at all. It takes me a while at the end of the day or during a vacation to unplug from not simply multitasking but that ominously new phenomena of omnitasking. Omnitasking is being engaged in such things as texting from your Iphone while driving down the freeway at 70 miles per hour while on the business trip with the GPS device is telling you where to go, sipping the latte you purchased and talking on your bluetooth to your spouse about the kids school work. Are you tired yet? I need a nap but can't because I'm racing down the freeway. The nap will have to wait until I get on the plane..oh wait a minute. I have to create a report while flying home. You get the picture.

On the other hand solotasking is giving your total attention to one activity or person in order to produce or engage at your highest level and experience the deepest fulfillment. Rested, aware of surroundings, and connected to God is where life is lived...really lived. Hurry vanishes while peace, calm and order replaces the out of control lifestyles. Spouses draw closer to each other, parents have energy for their kids, people take care of their bodies through eating right, exercise and rest, and joy returns to the heart.

The world is working hard to steal our peace. Peace doesn’t usually reside in a state of constant hurry and stress. Peace resides in those who can go against the cultural norm in order to find solace and quiet in God.

I am seeking a slower pace, one where living deeply occurs as a result of being profoundly connected to the heart of God. My Christmas present to myself is to walk away from the frenetic pace so I don’t leave God behind in my wake. Instead, I want to stay in step with the Spirit. My first step in this process is to take Friday and Saturday off from work. Equally important to this change will be the necessity for time in the Word, meditation and prayer before the day begins. Five minute walks to get away from the computer and phone are in order so as to reconnect with the Spirit are part of my plan as well. You may think this is a funny idea but I plan to drive slower too. I don't drive excessively fast but I do get nervous when I am behind a slower car...Know what I mean? Eating slower, playing while doing the dishes...living simply and simply living.

How about you? Which do you want? Omnitasking or solotasking? Some place in the middle? At the end of the day, what brought you fulfillment? Stop, slow down, look for God, open your eyes to see Him...ENJOY!

Time

2009-12-03T09:12:00.000-08:00

Time is drawing near. Lauren will soon be headed down a sandy aisle to wed her future husband. Being the MOB (Mother of the Bride) is a blessing. As I watch my kids become all that God has created them to be, I see how little I had to do with it. Given 18 years by God to train them in His ways is but a mere breath.

Time slows down for no one. As I look back I wonder what I may have missed and what seems to have worked. While musing over the past, I see the truth that with God's grace we are made into His image. His hand guides us to green pastures and quiet waters, restoring our souls. We want for nothing because all He is is ours. The pasture He has designed for me is safe, fitted with sturdy boundaries.

I am thankful today for my Lord's leading. In this green pasture I sense peace and contentment while my heart is sad. Lauren will forever be my daughter. She now prepares to leave and cleave to her wonderful fiancee David. He is getting a Godly woman who loves and deeply respects him. She is getting a Godly man who would lay down his life for her. What more could this mom want for her daughter.

David and Lauren, I love you. May God's blessing always be close to your heart. May His desires be your desires, His character your character, His strength your strength and His love your love.

II Timothy

2009-07-30T12:05:00.000-07:00

This morning I spent time in the book of II Timothy. The rich relationship between Paul and Timothy is so evident. Paul knows he is writing what will probably be his last letter to anyone. Timothy was Paul’s son in the faith. Paul knew Timothy’s history, his youth and how many times Timothy had messed up. Yet Paul simply would not give up on him. At the end of the book, we hear Paul’s plea for Timothy to come to him soon. Oh how Paul loved that boy.

There are moments when I feel Paul’s intense passion. His resolve to live out his call while in chains cries out out to every believer. This clarion call of sacrifice is not popular today. The call has been muffled by the roar of the world. Listen fellow servants...listen to the quiet yet clear voice of the Prince of Peace. Get into the Word allowing it to search out the hidden sin in your soul. Jesus will never give up on you and me. Jesus pleas for us to come to Him.

Dear Parents

2009-07-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

This week, parents are getting ready to send off their kids to Camp KidJam 2009. This year our kids will experience the action packed Jam sessions which feature high-energy worship, great skits, and the The Incredible Adventure of the Misfit Brigade - the stories of people who Jesus came in contact with and whose lives He changed forever. Their stories are our stories as we learn together how God wants to change us for Him. Additionally, the kids will experience small groups where they can unpack the story with their small group leaders and how the story applies to them personally. Of course what is camp without all the fun, messy games... You know the ones that make kids scream “YUCK.”

So for those of you who have your own set of jitters about sending your kids off to camp, we are praying for you. For those who wish they could be sending their kids... yes, we are praying for you too. Parenting during the summer is always filled with fun and frustration. Hang on. School is around the corner and you’ll be back in the swing of school schedules before you know it. Until then, take a deep breath, round up the floaties and head to the pool or the back yard for a camp out. In other words, hang out with your kids. It is one of the best parts of summer.

News in Adventure Kidz
Family Sunday: August 16
We are kicking off the new school year with a family day. All of the kids from 0 to 18 will join us for worship. The children will sing and be a part of the service. Continuing with the Big Faith That Works series, Tammy will lead a large group time on the virtue of Faith. Also it is very important that you, as a servant, attend the service you normally serve at. We want to recognize your service as well as share the vision for families and the ministry we want to accomplish for this community. Immediately following the 2nd service on August 16, there will be an all-church potluck and games for young and old. Please bring 3 dishes to share with at least 10 people! Drop your food off in the kitchen before 11 am. Paper goods and beverages will be provided. Following our time to eat and visit with each other, there will be organized games for everyone to participate in. This will be a fun time to spend with friends, your family, and your Life Group. If you'd like to help with set up, serving, clean up or games, please contact Linda at lmcmillin@eastsidecommunity.com

AdventureKidz Team Training: Aug 20 at 7pm or August 22 at 9am.
Vision casting, nuts and bolts, soul food. TRAINING In order to develop your gifts, talents, and soul as a leader. We will share the vision for AdventureKidz. We are holding two identical training opportunities for your convenience. So please pick one of the two times. They are August 20 at 7 pm or August 22 at 9 am. Put this date on the calendar. You won't want to miss it.

New blog with great weekly tools for parenting. http://eccparents.blogspot.com/
Terry Eis, our Parent Resource Coordinator, will be blogging weekly with updates on what our children are learning. She will provide talking points for you and your kids as well as give you tools to develop yourselves as parents and to help your kids grow in their spiritual journey. Our goal is that by the time your children launch out in the world that they will be solidly grounded in their faith and relationship with Jesus Christ.

I don’t know about you, but I know that I certainly could have used a resource like this. Parenting didn’t come naturally for me. Both of our kids were so different from each other. Just when I thought I might have had the parenting thing figured out, my kids blew up the plan. So that’s why we are here. To support you, care for you as parents, encourage you, listen to you, walk with you and love your kids. We are partnering with you...the parents... THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD TO YOUR KIDS.

Warmly,
Cathy

Steal Away With The Prince of Peace

2009-07-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

Big Faith That Works...That is a serious topic. I have been living in a constant tension between giving all I am and have to the Lord and the pull of my fleshly desires. Honestly, I am not sure which is winning in this tug of war. My desire to become a “Whatever, Whenever” servant is wrapped up in a body of flesh that needs rest, care and quiet. Our Beloved Prince Jesus knows this struggle. For 3 1/2 years He served the multitudes, walked with the 12, and stole away with the Father. It was during the silent years, while He was growing up, that His heart was formed and His character was forged into all the Father desired.

I know you are so extremely busy. I know this because I am. As I reflect on where you are in raising families, careers, making ends meet, I know each of you are at times stretched in many different directions. Remember, people all over this community and world are living out their faith just like you are. Day by day and moment by moment people are worshiping the Prince of Peace right where they live life, in the middle of their one and only life. Their worship isn’t based on their circumstances but on the reality of who God is and what He has done for them. Across the world followers are worshiping 24/7.

I am blown away by each of you. You know intuitively that the stakes are high and eternity hangs in the balance. What I deeply love is that you serve with no strings attached....Simply giving, loving and warmly extending the love of Christ. You are becoming Whatever, Whenever Servants who worship God with your heart, mind, soul and body.

Today I hear Jesus calling, Come Away With Me. You’ll find me on my porch today, listening, reading, seeking, resting. May you find a moment to steal away with the Savior. Be refreshed and recharged to give it up for Him.

Kids

2009-07-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

If I were asked “What does it take to have a children’s ministry that helps kids become fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ?”, I would have one answer. It takes a committed unified team, empowered by the Holy Spirit, who is willing to do whatever it takes, whenever it is needed. This is a team where serving others is lived out in Big Faith... Faith that says yes because of how Big God is.

I want you to know our AdventureKidz team is working hard to live out this vision and each of you are a part of this committed team. We are forging ahead. We are pulling hard for kids.

I want to sincerely and genuinely thank each of you for bringing your best as you serve. The stakes are high. Families are at risk. When families are at risk, kids are at risk. These are some desperate times for some of our people. It calls for a “Whatever, Whenever” team. You are the team.

AdventureKidz Team News
The AdventureKidz Team worked hard last week. We are continuing to flesh out some very important work for our kids. First I want to thank each of them for their sacrifice and passion to see AdventureKidz become all it can be for the kids and equally choosing to serve the parents. Here is the progress we made.
We are starting a prayer effort for the children and families. We believe we must become people of prayer. As we closed our meeting with prayer, God’s peace settled over us. We know God will provide. That’s who He is... Our Provider
We are developing communication, support, resources and eventually training for families.
We are preparing consistent training for all who serve with the kids so you are ready provide excellent ministry to both kids and parents.
We are modifying roles and responsibilities within the team. New roles will be communicated.

The team is as follows:
AdventureKidz Director - Linda McMillin
AdventureKidz Admin – Kim Foster
AdventureKIdz Parent Liason - Terry Eis
AdventureKidz Prayer Coordinator - ?
Cove Coordinator - Toye Wheatly
Asst Cove Coordinator – Bess Smith
Reef Coordinator – Heather Womack
Asst. Reef Coordinator - ?
River and Studio 45 Interim Coordinator – Linda McMillin (actively searching to fill this position)
Asst River and Studio 45 Coordinator (Large Group) - Tammy Unruh
Asst River and Studio 45 Coordinator (Small Group ) ?
Staff Management – Cathy Turner

Prayer Requests
River and Studio 45 Coordinator and Asst Coordinator
Asst. Reef Coordinator
Protection against the enemy’s attack to divide
The AdventureKidz families and children
Each team member who serves

God is at work, building in each of us a faith that perseveres and stands firm on our beloved Prince, Jesus Christ.

AdventureKidz Update

2009-06-30T13:57:00.000-07:00

We are half way through the summer and that means fall and school are just around the corner. There are a few adjustments and changes in store for AdventureKidz. But - before I talk about the changes - let me fill you in on the great things that will remain consistent.

First, we have many great group leaders who are returning in the fall. Those leaders want to come back. They deeply appreciate the summer off. Some have upped their commitment to be here each Sunday for our kids. They recognize that their consistent involvement with kids creates safety for our children. The bottom line is they have fallen in love with your kids and want to be with them. I think this is a huge victory to celebrate.

Second, we are continuing with the Rethink curriculum. This is one of the best resources that help the church and families work together, building spiritual faith in the lives of our kids. We know that when the church and the family work side by side for the good of our children that we have opportunity for greater impact for the Kingdom.

Third, it is important to recognize the leadership who have served and lead us with passion and deep commitment for our kids.

Thank you Jennifer Niemtschk. Jennifer has served for the last two years in the River and Studio 45. She has worked tirelessly for the ministry and I know we all appreciate her enthusiasm and passion for the kids. Jennifer is stepping down from leadership but will remain a volunteer in the environment, serving beside you as a storyteller, helping with check-in, and doing what she does best... loving the kids. Please take a moment to thank Jennifer for her hard work and dedication.

Thank you Tara Hagemann. Tara has served in the River working beside Jennifer. She came on board to help with administration, small groups and curriculum. Tara along with her husband Dan, serve because they love children and believe deeply in partnering together for the good of our children. Tara and Dan also serve in the Big Brother Big Sister Organization. Needless to say they are “all in." Tara is stepping down at the end of July to pursue schooling. You will continue to see her on a regular basis because she believes in being involved in ministering to children.

Rebecca Whitely brought dynamic energy to the production through story tellers and worship. Her smile and bubbly personality got kids moving, dancing, and worshiping while they learned from a talented team of storytellers, actors, and hosts.

Thank you Toye Wheatley and Heather Womack. These ladies each continue to bring leadership to our Cove and Reef respectively. They are passionate for children and for the parents. They recognize the hard work that goes into raising kids and the privilege of encouraging parents. They energetically create safe, fun, and loving environments for our littler ones in AdventureKidz. Join me in thanking them for all they do and the care they extend. Toye and Heather will continue this fall to lead and serve.

Finally, join me in thanking all who give their best to our kids. Those who sit in small groups, who tell stories, host, run check-in, clean toys, buy supplies, run copies... the list is long. It takes a small army to pull off each and every Sunday morning.

Now for the Future
In order to fill in during an unforeseeable interim, I will be leading a forming team of leaders for AdventureKidz. We will be spending July with the current team in order to learn from them. We will then assess how to move forward.

We are challenging ourselves with the task of working with you the parents in becoming a family ministry. We want to link arms with you in this precious privilege of raising children who are ready to storm the gates of hell with a water pistol. So even though we may call this an interim time, we are not going to merely maintain. We have a vision to live out through the families. We are going to raise up fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ within our children and within the families of Eastside who will go out into all the world to make disciples.

So join with me. Let’s work together, run the race and move forward building into children and families.

Warmly,
Cathy

Change

2009-05-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

It is an amazingly gorgeous day. God is so good and faithful. I am thankful for his watchful care and guidance.

Dennis and I just returned from a great time in Florida with our friends. We spent time with a young couple who Dennis baptized and performed their marriage on the beach. We reconnected with our long time friends to find their kids are now adults with beautiful children of their own.

Upon our return, we came home to our beloved family pet’s last hours here. Cocoa died a couple of hours after we got home. She was old and we knew her time was short but she waited for our return. I am thankful to have had that time with her. I miss her like crazy. She raised our kids and guarded this family with passion. She loved us well and was loyal to us.

May you each find places and moments to get away with the Lord during these busy and uncertain times. He stabilizes us when the storms move in. As you worship God today open your mind to His wisdom, your heart to His love and your soul to His passion. Be salty so that others become hungry. Learn to be and allow Him to do. He has it all in control.

24/7 Worship

2009-02-06T11:20:00.000-08:00

“So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.”... Romans 12:1

The best worship in our week isn’t what happens on Sunday morning. By far the most important worship in our lives is how we live in front of our family, friends and co-workers. This worship is about how we love our spouses, raise our kids to know God and bear testimony of God’s grace, faithfulness and love to the world. This is 24/7 worship.

I have thought a lot about this activity we call worship. Some believe it is music. Others would define it as a Sunday morning activity. Others explain it as an incredible spiritual experience. I tend to see it as life. Worship is our response to what or who we value the most expressed through what we say and the way we live. I am looking for worshipers who love 24/7, serve 24/7, encourage 24/7 and leave it on the field everyday. You don't have to be in vocational ministry to do that. This is a lifestyle, a Christ-centered life passionately lived out before all of humanity

Honestly, what do you value most? Be honest with yourself. I will never hear your answer and God already knows the answer. Any changes you want to make? There's no time like the present! Take a step. Go on...."take your everyday, ordinary life .....and place it before God"...watch what He does with it. That's worship.

Battle for Worship

2009-01-29T12:30:00.000-08:00

I have heard it said that we become what we worship. If we worship money, we become greedy. If we worship ourselves, we become narcissistic and prideful. If we worship another relationship, we become clingy and jealous. If we worship our abilities, we become defensive.

However, when we become living billboards of worship of God Almighty, then our lives begin to take on His character and image. We live in the shadow of His glory. We reside under the shelter of his wings of protection, help and strength. We begin to see as He sees, care about what He cares about and humbly live out His will.

There is definitely an all out battle for my worship. The last thing the enemy wants is my transformation and growth as a follower of Christ. He desires to take my mind off of God and put it on anything he can create that could become an idol for my attention.

Something is going to grab your affection today. Someone or something will enthrall you. Your greatest value will rise to the top. My question for you is this.... What is it? Is it God? Only you can answer this question.

The Samaritan woman got really uncomfortable when Jesus began to reveal what she worshiped. So like we all do when we are in a tight spot, she changed the subject to the question where and how should worship happen. It is funny but that is exactly what we do today. We look at styles of worship and declare them right, wrong, contemporary, traditional, seeker sensitive, believer oriented....you name it and we can give it a title and a rating. We focus on the style and unfortunately leave out who.

My mentor who has long passed away, used to tell me it didn’t make any difference to him what church he went to or what style of worship they used. He could worship God in a liturgical setting or in a charismatic church, because it was all about God... Not about his personal preference in styles.

What has your attention today? Take a moment even now to quietly turn your heart and worship to God. Listen for His whisper. Love Him now... Right this very moment

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matt. 22:37

Worship The Prince of Peace

2008-12-12T04:56:00.000-08:00

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Is 9:6

There is nothing sweeter than a sleeping baby. A child’s bedtime can be the greatest moment of the day. As the quiet settles over the household, dreams are dreamed, rest is renewed and God the Father looks upon His children in complete love.

Over two thousand years ago, nine months prior to Jesus’ birth, Mary received word that her world would be turned upside down. We can only imagine that fear filled her heart and soul. She was the only one who knew the truth; knew that there had never been another man and that the only way she could be pregnant was by a miracle. She was carrying rest, love and the hope of the world within her womb. A quiet peace grew within Mary. His name was God With Us, Emanuel. She carried Emanuel within.

Joseph, upon hearing the angel’s message in a dream, knew that he was to raise the Son of God. He was the man, who by God’ grace, would help Jesus grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men. Joseph nurtured God’s Son into manhood. Imagine.

Christ, loving us, became our Prince of Peace in the flesh. Peace wrapped in swaddling cloths. Peace took on flesh. Peace lived out before our very eyes. Peace not as the world gives but as only He can give.

Take a moment to quietly reflect on the Prince of Peace. He longs to speak peace into your soul this very moment. Talk to Him. Tell Him your greatest fear, your deepest joy. Begin with “Jesus, it sure would mean a lot to me if……” You fill in the blank.

Now listen for His word of peace, direction, hope, desire and experience the result of God’s glorious plan this Christmas.

Worship - Value

2008-12-10T07:57:00.000-08:00

Have you heard someone say, "I worship the ground he walks on," or "I just adore her"? Usually those words come from young lovers who find the soul mate of their dreams. Those with more life experience generally respond with, "Ah young love."

We respond to what we value the most. For instance, if my husband Dennis seeks time with me, I will drop what I am doing to spend that time with him. But let me get really honest with you. As much as I value Dennis, I have allowed work deadlines to crowd into my time with him, even when he asks for that time. Now I can say I value Dennis (which I highly do) but when I allow the cares of life to crowd out time with Dennis, then my actions speak louder than my words. Those actions communicate that work deadlines, laundry, cleaning or whatever is screaming the loudest is what I really value.

Worship is responding to what we value the most. Let that definition sink in for a moment. Worship is responding to what we value the most. The rest of creation worships God by living out what He has made it to be. Man and woman are the only created beings who can choose to worship or not; who can say they worship but don't.

Sadly I must confess that I allow distractions to rob God of worship. When my actions do not authentically line up with my values, then stress develops in the depths of my being.

Yet God gives us a new day. Today is the day that our Lord has made. It is a day to begin again. It is a day to start out with him, live in response to Him, turn to Him, love Him and worship Him. With our choosing, we begin this day with worship, work in response to God, embrace Christ in worship and minister to the world in response to our Savior.

"Praise the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary, praise him in his mighty heavens. Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness. Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, praise him with tambourine and dancing, praise him with the strings and flute, praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord." Psalm 150:1-6

Everyone Worships

2008-12-09T06:33:00.000-08:00

"Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." Is. 6:3

This morning as I drove into work, all of creation shouted of God's faithfulness. Our first snow danced before my eyes in response to it's Creator; swirling, dipping, leaping and worshiping my God. The whole earth is full of Papa's glory. Everything and everyone everywhere worships. It is in our DNA. Creation worships without a second thought. Creation responds to God in merely living out each day. Cardinals dot the snow covered evergreens with brilliant red. The sea continues its rhythm lapping up on the shore. Mountains stand in majesty reaching to the sky in worship of the Almighty Creator.

Everywhere people are worshiping. You are a worshiper. All day long, sun up to sun down you are worshiping. You may find that hard to believe but it is true. Because God put worship in your DNA, you cannot help but worship. You can't stop it. Hear me loud and clear, you are worshiping something. It may or may not be God. It may be yourself, your possessions, your abilities or another relationship.

Today's generations are some of the most expressive people around. Watch any televised sport. People paint their bodies, make signs, raise their hands, clap and scream as they watch their favorite athletes on the field. Go to any concert and you will see thousands of people clapping, singing along without thought of their ability to carry a tune (perhaps due in part to their favorite beverage of choice), raising their cell phones and reaching out for a touch from their favorite artist. Even some will cry in adoration for the star that they love. The crazy thing is this is how scripture describes worship. (Yes, even Paul calls us to be drunk in the Spirit.. More on this at another time)

Today our lives reflect what we value the most; what is central in our lives and lies in the depth of our being. Let's be ruthlessly honest for a moment. What do you value? Our standard answer is usually family, jobs, health, and if we are Christians we will say Christ. However, let's take a deeper look. Take a meditative journey, following the trail of your time, affection, energy, money and loyalty. Go ahead, look deeply. Follow the trail. At the end of this trail is a throne. On that throne is what you worship...honestly worship... not what you give lip service to. The trail never lies. Sobering, huh.

Seriously, take time with this journey. Wise men followed a trail that led to the King of Kings. Their knees buckled under them as they gave their possessions and adoration to the Prince of Peace. Shepherds after hearing the Good News from the heavenly hosts, sought the Savior. The course of their trail was forever changed and they praised God for the rest of their days telling everyone. They encountered the Hope of the world. The richest (wise men) and the poorest (shepherds) set out searching and found the treasure of their souls. His name was Jesus, God with us.

Friend, please, now... this very moment... pray with me.

Lord, I confess that more times than not, I have placed other things and relationships on the throne of my life. I have searched for peace, believing that the world could give it to me through possessions, power and pleasure. Nothing has filled me. Please forgive me. I receive you Jesus into my life as the only one who can save me and as the only one who can give me the joy and peace my soul is desperately craving. I need you and want you. I submit to you, believing you have my best interest at heart. Thank you for coming to earth. Thank you for saving me from my sin. And thank you in advance that you will come again someday and will receive me, taking me home to live with you forever.

You were created to worship God in all His glory. Now go! Worship Him.

(For more great teaching on worship, pick up "Wired for Worship" by Louie Giglio. My thanks to Louie and all he has done to take this generation to the throne of God, leading us well and compelling us to worship our Almighty God. Keep leading.)

The Light Burns On

2008-12-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

Christmas is filled with gift giving. I generally feel bad when I receive a gift from someone I did not buy a gift for. It is hard to receive. Humility receives while pride causes me to run out to buy extra gifts for those awkward moments.

Diving into God's word is an incredible privilege and pleasure. His Word is truth that never changes. It is a sure foundation on which faith is built. The solid rock of Jesus Christ, who according to John 1 is the Word, provides the very stability that our souls hunger and thirst after. Jesus, being the Word of God, lived out the Father's heart before our very eyes. Through Jesus' deeds and love we see God's Word take on flesh. As Jesus lived out the Word by the power of the Holy Spirit, people were transformed.

The Word empowered by the Spirit brought light into the darkness of our world. This light was unlike any other light. In this light, the cares of the world fall away. Insurmountable problems are crushed in the presence of God's glorious Light. This Light is fueled by the anointing of the Spirit. We are told that all who receive the gift of salvation have been sealed with the Holy Spirit.

I am convinced we have far more of the Lord's power and help at our disposal than what we ever turn to or ask for. It also seems to me that the only thing that stands in the way of receiving this power and help is our pride which keeps us from yielding to the Spirit. Yielding to the commands of the Word and responding to the whispers of God requires submission and humility to ask and receive help from the Lord.

Papa respects the boundary of pride. He never crosses over the rock wall around our hearts. Instead, Papa patiently knocks on the door, drawing us to Himself. He waits for our invitation. Invite Papa into the holy sanctuary of your soul. Join Him. Yield to Him. Listen for His whisper. Take in His Word. Be filled with the oil of His Spirit. Receive HIs Light.

Hope

2008-12-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

I love Isaiah 61. It is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. I go there often when I want to see who Christ is and why He came to earth. This scripture also reveals what is mine through the work of Jesus in my life. As I read it, I feel like Christ must of had me in mind. At various points in my life I have known the dark moments of the soul when hope seemed so far away.

In the past, I have been depression's captive and prisoner. I know the soul ache that does not go away. My kids remember this time as "The Great Depression." Today it is humorous. Back then, it was overwhelming. Unfortunately, I didn't feel safe around other Christians. Fear kept me isolated from the help and blessing God wanted to give me.

Today I am living proof of the testimony that Christ does and will set the captives free. He does and will release the prisoners from their jail. Christ comforts, provides, rebuilds, restores, and renews. He changes our mourning to gladness and our despair to praise. He is all we need.

No matter what you may face or the uncertainty that looms before you, God is faithfully watching over you. In His silence, He is at work on your behalf. Hold on friend. Hope is on the way. His name is Jesus. Reach out for Him. Seek Him now. Satisfy your thirst with His Living Water. Feed your soul with the Bread of Life.

Worship 24/7

2008-11-25T14:53:00.001-08:00

Many years ago I went to Haiti on a mission trip. There we served in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. The moment I got off the plane, the heat and stench of the third world country rose off the tarmac. Immediately, the smog of burning rubber cast a grey cloud over the city of Port au Prince. As I gathered my luggage, I was met by one of the most beautiful women I have ever known, Sister Phyllis Newby. Sister Phyllis is a tall stately woman with a smile, faith and heart that immediately draws you to her. Sister Phyllis has been serving as a missionary to Haiti for years, with many pastors under her leadership. She has also blessed many children in an orphanage that she oversees.

Haiti is one of the spiritually darkest locations I have ever been. Walking down the street (which you absolutely do not do alone) and looking into people's faces, you can easily see evidence of their spiritual state. Hate, anger, starvation, abuse of all kinds are rampant in this country. Also voodoo is the national religion. Thus the beloved bride of Christ, stands out in stark contrast to the rest of the country. Sister Phyllis, the pastors and fellow believers serve tirelessly with joy despite their surroundings. Their joy is unlike any I have seen.

As we drove along the dusty potholed dirt roads, you could hear Sister Phyllis singing and worshiping the Lord. Often, she sang by herself, without instruments or other voices. Her worship was 24/7. It wasn't contingent upon her surroundings. You see Sister Phyllis was and is so completely in love with Jesus. She can't help herself. She is in a continual state of worship.

I learned a lot from Sister Phyllis on that trip. I want to worship God with my life. Worship is not just an hour on Sunday. It isn't a style of music. Neither is it about you and me. It isn't about our gifts. It is all about God and who He is. We are wired to worship God for life. Our daily lives are the greatest billboards for God's glory.

Hope

2008-11-25T13:46:00.000-08:00

I love Isaiah 61. It is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. I go there often when I want to see who Christ is and why He came to earth. This scripture also reveals what is mine through the work of Jesus in my life. As I read it, I feel like Christ must of had me in mind. At various points in my life I have known the dark moments of the soul when hope seemed so far away.

In the past I have been depression’s captive and prisoner. I know the soul ache that does not go away. My kids remember this time as “The Great Depression.” Today it is humorous. Back then, it was overwhelming. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel safe around other Christians. Fear kept me isolated from the help and blessing God wanted to give me.

Today I am living proof of the testimony that Christ does and will set the captives free. He does and will release the prisoner from their jail. Christ comforts, provides, rebuilds, restores and renews. He changes our mourning to gladness and our despair to praise. He is all we need.

No matter what you may face or the uncertainty that looms before you, God is faithfully watching over you. In His silence, He is at work on your behalf. Hold on friend. Hope is on the way. His name is Jesus. Reach out for Him. Seek Him now. Satisfy your thirst with His Living Water. Feed your soul with the Bread of Life.

He is My Help

2008-11-15T15:51:00.000-08:00

I love songs that help us know and memorize scripture. I am learning a new worship song titled Made Me Glad. It's lyrics are straight from scripture. The words provide truth we can trust, courageously venturing out of our comfort and into a deeper faith journey. The first time I heard this song my heart stopped. It took me back to my childhood. Let me take you there...

I am the youngest child in our family. During my growing up, I often heard arguing in our home. There were fights between my dad and mom and my dad and my paternal grandfather. These fights would eventually end in icy stonewalled silence that could last for days. Eventually someone would give in but issues were seldom resolved, truly forgiven or reconciled. No one asked for forgiveness. With time life would go back to the way it was before the argument. But I always knew there would be another argument that would result in the same outcomes. There were threats of divorce, hateful words, tears, depression and a deep sadness.

As a child in this home, I thought my heart would die. I did everything I could to restore and make life better. It is funny some of the things a child does to create stability in their life. More than anything else, I wanted my family to love one another.

One evening after one of these fights, I came across a devotional. The scripture was Psalm 46:1. These words flooded my soul and have never left me. It says, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble." Comfort and peace literally jumped off the page and wrapped me tightly as I cried out to God for help. Home didn't really change that much but God's comfort and help kept me.

God has always been and always will be my refuge and strength.... My always present, never leaving, completely available help in any trouble, pain, hurt or circumstance I face.

Today I am living testimony to the truth of Papa's Word. I want everyone to know Him the way I do. This passion and burden for you, your friends, my friends and this community drives me. I know just a small piece of who God is and I can't get enough of Him.

Friends, please "humble yourselves, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you," I Peter 5:6-7. He is crazy about you. He wants all of you. He is trustworthy, faithful and true.

God's Quiet Work

2008-11-11T06:28:00.000-08:00

"I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work." God's decree. For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don't go back until they've watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, so will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They'll do the work I sent them to do, they'll complete the assignment I gave them. So you'll go out in joy , you'll be led into a whole and complete life"....Isaiah 55:8-11 from The Message

Yesterday I visited with a young dad who was laid off for a second time. His heart was heavy. He hangs on to hope but like all of us, struggles to remain in God's peace. Straining to understand, questioning the next steps, wondering the hows and whys of it all, we prayed. It was all we could do.

There are days of forward movement in the faith journey. There are days of simply finding strength to stand. There are days when we fall face down to cling to the bedrock of our foundation. And yes there are days of the backward two step.

My heart aches for people. Much of what I sense, is a longing in my soul to tell everyone to hang on.... Help is on the way. God is at work even when it seems He is silent. We can be assured that God is anything but silent. The challenges and heart aches we face do not rock His world. He knows them. He understands them. He faithfully works through them even when we feel He is deafeningly silent.

I believe God isn't silent but instead we are deaf. He speaks everyday through His Word if we will pick it up. He speaks through life, if we will look for Him. He speaks through children, if we will stop to embrace their wonder. He speaks through the poor, if we linger to get to know them. He speaks through the rich if we leave behind our insecurity. He speaks through movies, when we stop judging. He speaks through music, friends, quiet, nature, spouses, the news.

God invites us.

"Hey there! All who are thirsty, come to the water! Are you penniless? Come anyway-buy and eat! Come, buy your drinks, buy wine and milk. Buy without money-everything's free! Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy? Listen to me, listen well; Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words. I'm making a lasting covenant commitment with you, the same that I made with David; sure, solid, enduring love." ....Isaiah 55:1-5 from The Message

Papa longs to give us His very best and finest blessing. It is blessing beyond absolutely anything this world will ever offer. The next promotion doesn't hold a thread of enticement compared to His joy and peace. The bigger house looks like a shack when in the light of His love which fills us to overflowing. The junk food worldly toys cannot begin to fill the ravenous hunger that lies deep within each of us. That hunger can only be filled with the Bread of Life and the Living Water of Jesus Christ. We will never thirst again when we drink from His fountain.

From the same passage in Isaiah, verse 6 says,

"Seek God while He's here to be found, pray to him while He's close at hand."

Pray for a soul hunger that will grab your preoccupied attention and draw you to Him. Pray for a hunger that will not leave you but will cause you to seek Him in your entire day. Ask, seek, knock.

He's as close as your soul.

Come Away

2008-11-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

“and Jesus said to them, ‘Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.’” ...Mark 6:31,

I see weariness in the eyes of people within the church and in the world. Many are angry, fatigued and feel taken advantage of...extended beyond their strength or ability. Our hearts long for rest and our souls seek freedom. Somewhere within each of us we know things aren’t as they could be nor as God longs for it to be.

In scripture we see Jesus taking care of the souls of his disciples. I love his words. Often when I get away for a while, I can sense Jesus saying to me, “Come aside by yourself Cathy; just you and me. Let’s get away to a deserted place and rest a while. Put away the producing and tasks for a moment. Stop striving...fretting. Come away with me.” Oh the bliss of those moments. Joy and peace warms my soul. Worry ceases. Comparisons fade away.

I have friends in my life that do this very easily. No matter when I show up at their door, they invite me in, give me a drink and we slip easily into connection of our souls. I know they literally stop what they are doing in order to spend time with me. I never feel like an intrusion. I feel treasured, loved and cherished. Jesus is so alive within them. Their smile and hospitality is His.

Our busyness wearies God. No wonder we are fatigued. Fretfulness grieves God. It is never what He has for us. Let us put aside everything...stuff...anything that hinders resting in Him.

Warmly resting,
Cathy

2008-10-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Is. 60:1-2

As I study the scripture, one question that rises to the forefront of my mind is whether I really believe the scripture. If I do believe it, then do I live it as if I believe it. Do I live out the truths like, love your neighbor as yourself, as much as it depends on you be at peace with all men, do not fear for I am with you. These truths all come from God’s word. If I believe them then I will live them each day that I have breath. Likewise, if I don't live out God's truth, then maybe I don't truly believe.

This week I sat in a group and felt in my soul that I was to speak up, asking women to rise up. It was strange... I had this conversation going on in my head with the Holy Spirit like... Who me? What would I say? Sadly, I failed. I didn’t step up to God’s request. The rest of the day I felt sick and very sad. Even though I experienced so much growth and forward movement in my spiritual journey, yet it felt like I had just taken 100 steps back. If I really believe God is with me and that I am empowered with the Holy Spirit then I should have stood to my feet. That day I again asked God to forgive me for not trusting Him and His word.

Oh friends, God has chosen you. He is faithful. He will not leave you out on your own. Getting out of the boat and walking on the water doesn’t mean you won’t be afraid. However, if we keep our eyes on the Lord He will give us the courage to face our fears head on and walk. Let us keep our hearts fixed on the Savior. Let’s serve Him with joy and conviction that His word is the truth.

If you need to be reconciled with someone, get it done. If you need to meet your neighbors to share the love of Christ, do it now. If you need to be set free of an addiction, seek the help of the Spirit and the community of believers. If God is asking you to serve outside your comfort zone, what are you waiting on. God will give you all you need to fulfill all that He asks. Whatever it is that God is asking, do it. Rise up and just do it.

2008-10-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

During a study I came across a great definition of unity as “all members of one body working in cooperation.” Interesting that this definition doesn’t say one things about thinking the same way. I have found that we all have different ideas of how to get to the destination we are all care deeply about. In times past I have found that barriers like our personal desire replaces cooperation, falsehood replaces truth, or assumptions replace seeking to understand. It is gloriously magnificent when the people lay aside their desires for the good of the whole. This is true spiritual victory.

I believe we move toward spiritual success when we defeat the enemy through laying down the groundwork of trust, humility and grace. Great teams are built on this bedrock foundation of strong character and churches thrive, even in the hardest times.

During this difficult financial time we must ask ourselves, “Who are we?” I believe we are defined as we are refined. We either develop into people of faith where trust, humility and grace thrive or we move inward toward our own desires and become people of fear where distrust and pride grow.

I am deeply thankful for each of you, because I believe that we are transforming into people of faith. Move forward friends. Dive into God’s love. His heart beats wildly for us. He has only our best in mind.

The Sanctuary of Trust in God

2008-10-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

As I got out of bed this morning, there was a general heartache that I couldn't put my finger on. It was the kind of hurt where tears are close and my heart seemed to groan. During my morning workout, I plugged into worship music, but the mourning didn't stop. Driving home, God gave me a glorious sunrise to enjoy with Dennis while drinking an Americano. Those moments were precious but in some mysterious way it moved my soul to even more anguish.

With a heavy heart, I praise the Lord. Today I will not be hindered. I will not be overcome by the world and it's worries. The challenges we face are not too hard for God. He alone has all the answers. Our hope and security do not lie in money, wealth, jobs or the stock market. Trusting money to bring happiness will lead to destruction.

Paul told Timothy in 1 Timothy 6, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs...Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life."

There is so much truth wrapped up in this scripture. Today I believe we are living the reality of what Paul speaks of when he tells Timothy that those eager for money have walked away from the faith and as a result will feel the pain of their decision. We now live in the midst of this reality and truth.

Papa's words ring in my soul, "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Church, do not fear. Do not fear the what if's. Do not worry about your future. You may not even know tomorrow. Know Him. Fall in love with Him. He hold all in the palm of His hand.

Papa please pour out your Spirit on your children. Move through us that we will see wealth for what it is...Yours. Help us to throw off the fear of what might be and cling to You the one who is. We move into the sanctuary of trust in You. Your sanctuary is peace, contentment and joy no matter what.

Honduras

2008-09-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

It has been an amazing time with Lauren. It is fun to be here with her and to watch her in action as she serves. Her spanish flows as she converses with her friends here. She has embraced her role and is fully engaged with the people here.

One of the privileges we enjoy here is the time of worship. The Honduran people whole heartedly engage in loving the Lord. It looks different than what we experience in the states. As I enter into worship I can almost imagine Heaven joining in the party. In my mind I sense the Lord thoroughly enjoying watching our two cultures coming together in worship.

We have a friend here. Her name is Esmarelda. She used to cook for the ministry. With Laurens help, we stopped to visit with her. As we left I told Dennis that someday Esmerelda and I will be in heaven and will completely understand each other. Maybe it will be in Spanish... Maybe it will be in English... Maybe a tongue neither of knows now but will completely understand then. We will be together, completely understanding and worshiping our Lord with everything that is within us. No one will be on the side lines watching. Everyone will be there and fully engaged.

We can begin to taste this now. Come prepared to fully engage in worship. Pray for Lauren. She will be preaching this Sunday. She has experienced God in ways that cannot be fully expressed. But we can all have it because it is Gods desire for each of us. When we want Him with all that is in us and are submitted to Him, He promises to pour out His blessing on us; the blessings He has in store.

Come ready to receive all God has for you. Pray for our return trip.

--Cathy

When your heart aches...

2008-08-12T20:47:00.000-07:00

When your heart aches where do you go? Who do you turn to? And as a friend of someone who is hurting, what do you do? How do you sit with your friend, through their hurt and pain? We all want desperately to right the situation, but generally can't.

I don't have any answers. Job's friends didn't do a very good job of it. Matter of fact, God let them know they didn't handle Job's crisis very well.

I guess the only thing I know is to listen, draw from God's truth, seek more of the Lord, pray, ache, hurt, wait...wait some more... and keep loving... no matter what.

Pondering...

2008-08-07T15:19:00.000-07:00

I am beginning a study that Lauren and Dennis recommended. I am working through David Nassar’s “A Call To Die”. Quit frankly, I hope I am made of the stuff to get through this one. It is kicking my proverbial tale and it is only the first day. But anyway, Nassar quotes Dwight Moody who challenged his audience with “The world has yet to see what God will do through one man whose heart is completely his.” Moody responded instantly, “Lord I want to be that man!”. If you know anything about Dwight Moody’s ministry, you know that he eventually launched a missions movement that touched the lives of hundreds of thousands of people.

I wonder what it would look like if my heart was completely and solely God’s. What would happen if I was so sold out to God, that each day finished with less sin...less of me and more of God. I have a feeling that with time, sin would hold less appeal. The sin of pride would be replaced with love and humility. Gossip would turn to genuine encouragement. Slander would leave me feeling sad. Gluttony and greed would be exchanged for simplicity. Jealousy to celebration. Foul thinking to thoughts that were restored by God’s Spirit. As you can tell I have a long way to go. We all do.

We are all on the same boat. We are also in God’s Hand. He is refining and transforming our very identity and nature so we look more like our Papa each day. The older I get, the more I want to be seen as Papa’s little girl.

I love Matthew 16:24 from the NLT version. It says, “ Then Jesus said to the disciples, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life.” This sounds much more like a lot of sacrifice. And it is...if you are only going to look at the immediate. However in the long run, the change that happens in us by putting away our selfishness and taking up our cross leads to the greatest adventure we can experience. The adventure is our decision; IF anyone wants to be a follower. It is our decision each day we swing our legs over the side of the bed.

Yea, I want to be that woman... The woman whose heart is completely His.

Becoming a Lumberjack

2008-07-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

Today during my quiet moments, I came across the scripture Luke 6:42 which states, “How can you say... ‘Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye?” These words from Jesus capture me. I can just see myself walking around telling everyone else how to live, while this huge old log is sticking out of my eye. Not a pretty picture...not pretty at all.

There are so many truths that God gives us which we plain and simply gloss over. We forget how many times we fall prey to talking about or finding faults in others. Our greatest witness is words supported by love. When there is a gap between what we say and how we live, suspicion will arise. Suspicion in the church is ugly. It leaves a rather bad taste in our hearts as we wonder if the church can be trusted.

I long to be a trustworthy person serving in a trustworthy church. This isn’t about being perfect but instead about recognizing the logs in my eye. By taking responsibility for these 2x4’s, I become trustworthy.

Do this little exercise. Over the next 24 hours count how many times you engage in thinking or talking about other's faults and imperfections. After you count the number, don’t beat yourself up. Instead recognize this may be one of your logs and ask God through His Holy Spirit to take away this 2x4 before it hits you up side the head. Ask your spiritual friends to help you.

Take out the 2x4. You’ll be amazed at how beautiful people around you really are when you remove the log.

Courage

2008-07-29T06:58:00.000-07:00

Courage is a virtue I have always longed for. When I watch a movie with a courageous hero, there is something in me that is riveted. I long to be courageous, to share in the battle, to find out there is more to my existence than just the mundane. I walk away with this need to take a stand, to go forward in a strong and courageous way.

Warriors don't look back. They don't complain because they know complaining divides the ranks. They trust their captains, their leaders. They stand for honor and know that collectively they are better than if left alone. They are brave souls with a mission that they believe in and would give their lives to protect and uphold. Their wills are subordinate only to those in authority over them. They never bow to the enemy. They are steadfast. The timid are removed from the ranks and those who seek comfort and security do not last. There is sacrifice. The rewards are generally few. Obedience is reward enough for the warrior. They are often quoted as saying, "I was only doing my job."

This is how I want to be remembered. I want my children to know me as a courageous woman, a heroine who fought the fight...who entered the ranks and was obedient to her Lord till the day she took her last breath. Obedient to love my enemies, to walk in faith not by sight, to prayer, to taking in the truth and living it out moment by moment. Obedient to Papa's transforming touch and embrace. Obedient to faithfully walk in the way my Lord did and specifically to what He calls me to do. Obedient to lay down my wants, wishes, hopes and dreams in order to gladly and joyfully take up His wants, wishes, hopes and dreams for me.

I am called. You are called. We are all called to join the ranks of the faithful, the courageous and the brave. When we feel completely inadequate to take up the cross, God in His infinite strength and mercy provides absolutely everything we need. We do not enter the battle alone or unprepared. We enter the battle fully equipped with all that we could ever need. All that God is, is ours when we say yes to Him. When you take time to dive into the infinite character of God, you find a well of living water that never runs dry. You can never come to the end of God's fullness and all He longs to give you.

Scripture to meditate on Joshua 1:6-9, I Corinthians 16;13-14, Ephesians 6:10-18.

Walk humbly before your Lord. Know that without Him you will not be a warrior at all. Live faithfully and courageously with your life firmly held in Papa's arms.

Oh The Joy

2008-07-12T14:57:00.000-07:00

Last night at 11:00 we got the most amazing gift. Our daughter called from Honduras. If you have children who have moved away, you know the joy that comes when you get to hear their voice on the phone. You just can't get enough... you want to hear about everything. You wish for moments to linger over a cup of coffee, a long lunch, a brisk walk; anything that would give you time to hear their hearts and experience their lives in deep ways.

Wonder if Papa feels this way when we just hang out with Him. I can only imagine that He leaps from His throne, takes the call and loves the chat... just catching up on life. I know this makes God sound like He doesn't already know about me or my days. But work with me here. The question isn't whether He knows all that stuff. He does. The issue is that He is thrilled when we hang out with Him, giving Him our undivided attention. I imagine that He is blessed when come to be with Him.

Scripture shows us that Papa says "Come" often. "Come all who are weary.... come away with me.... let the little children come...." He is drawing us to Himself.

One of my favorite places in the world is by mountain streams. The sound of water rushing over rocks soothes my soul. We read that there is stream of living water that flows from the throne of God. It may sound corny but when I have the privilege of sitting by a stream, I imagine that it is coming from the Papa's throne.

Take a moment right now. Go to one of your favorite spots and sit with Papa. You will bless His proverbial Holy socks off. But equally important, you will find rest for your weary soul. I think I can hear Papa now.... "Come on, let's hang out!"

Day 183... Back to WorK

2008-07-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

We have all heard that old saying, "The only thing that remains the same is change." Change is as much a part of life as breathing. For some people, they work desperately hard to keep change from occurring. My first response is to ask in the words of Dr. Phil, "So how's that workin' for ya?" No matter how hard we try to keep our circumstances stable, life will always throw us a curve ball. Then all of a sudden everything we thought we could count on, suddenly has no stability. Our foundation breaks and crumbles beneath our feet. Life from that point forward usually looks more like chaos than order.

As much as we may not want to accept change, it can be the very tool Papa uses to transform our lives, our souls, our hearts and bring about the incredible plan He has for us. Without change, I am sure that we would miss adventure, courage would go undeveloped and joy would be fleeting.

So if change is such a great tool how do we embrace it and allow it to have it's greatest impact. I believe that we first have to be deeply rooted in the One who never changes. We have to have a foundation. However, we have to recognize the foundation we have built on in the past. Generally it is either our relationships, our power, our position, or with whatever the world deceives us. You know how it goes. If you have the right spouse then all will be well. If you have the right job, then you will succeed. And of course we all have been fed the line that the world's success is the greatest foundation we can possibly have.

I love the scripture from Jeremiah 17:5-7. It says, "Cursed is the one who trust in man, who depends on the flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands, he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trust in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes, its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

When we honestly look back on our lives to see what we have built our lives upon. We see either wastelands and parched places, or the fruit of confidence, peace and no worries. During these last few months, God has taken me to the wastelands of my past in order to help me see the need for change. He is redefining my life and heart. As a result, joy and peace are becoming mine. I can honestly say I have never experienced such a release like I have over the past few weeks. The outside world hasn't changed. It is still as chaotic as ever. But my inside world is at peace. Confidence is growing at the rate that I plunge to the depths of God and all He has for me.

I have come to love the song "All I Have". It tells my story and journey. Charlie Hines recorded it. Please consider going to your favorite song source to listen to this fantastic song. Sit with the Father. Soak in His heart for you. Get quiet. Listen. Love. Be forever transformed. Be forever held in Papa's tender, intimate embrace. Do not look to others to fill your life.

Jesus is truly all I have to count on. My Savior, my heavenly Papa, and His Spirit walk with me each day. This is my foundation that will never change. I trust that. Now it is time to get on with living in this trust. May the rest of my days reflect Him.

Friends, live life loved.

Resting in His warm embrace,
Cathy

All I Have
Authors Gabriel Brennan
Nate Brennan
Tim Dobbelmann

Verse 1
What have I in this life
But the love in Your eyes
This empty world will one day fade
Only Your truth will remain

Chorus 1
Jesus all I have is You
You're the hope I'm holding to
I might weep but still
My faith rests in You
As the heavens hold the skies
It's Your hand that holds my life
And Your love will lead me on
When all else is gone

Misc 1
(BRIDGE)
Jesus all I have is You
Jesus all I have is You
Jesus all I have is You
Jesus all I have is You
Is You
And all I have is You
Is You

Sabbatical Day 167

2008-06-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

There have been waves of emotions over the last 72 hours. I have cried my eyes out, laughed to the point of tears, wondered around in this very quiet house, and experienced love from some really great friends. Our youngest is now on the adventure of her life. She is flying on her own wings in a country that feels like home to her. Her dreams are coming true. God is pouring out his blessing on the desires of her heart. This is a gift each parent hopes for their children.

These blessings do come with some sacrifices. However, the joy and peace far outweigh any challenges.

As I come to the close of my Sabbatical, I have been reflecting on the lessons God has given me; realizing now that God is asking me to live out these lessons. Over the next few weeks, I hope to put those lessons into succinct thoughts and words. This will take me a lifetime to live out and practice.

My Sabbatical has been and will continue to be one of God's greatest gifts to me. The stripping of position, people and roles in my life have proven to define me in vastly different ways than I had ever believed. God has crushed some of the old paradigms that I thought to be true. He has ripped open my lies and revealed His truth in such ways that I thought my heart would die. Instead what I found was the budding of real life, the fullness of God and I am sure what are just a few of His hopes and dreams for me.

I look forward to serving the church. However, I will not come back as I was. Humbly, I return by His power and purpose for my life. I come back as Papa's dearly beloved daughter, laying down all I have in order to receive from Him all I need. I am completely powerless and desperately dependent on God. Quite honestly, I believe this was God's destination for this Sabbatical or what I fondly refer to as my desert time; to help me come to grips that I am powerless. Equally God revealed that I can fully depend on Him and His faithfulness.

Friends, I pray that we will all fall into Papa's faithful arms of grace, love and mercy. May we, through the power of the Spirit be strengthened. May Christ be so at home within our hearts that love will be rooted and established in us; we will attempt to dive the depths, scale the heights, run the distance and fly the breadth of God's love. Oh to be filled with God's measure of fullness! Not our measure but His.

Living life loved,
Cathy

Sabbatical Day 141

2008-05-19T15:37:00.000-07:00

Well time is flying. It doesn't slow down for anyone. Reality has hit over the past few days. Our girl is preparing for the adventure of her life. Now it feels that the roles have changed. It is me that needs to be brave. It is me that needs to dry my tears, put on the smile for her, make sure she is rooted in our love and let her go.

Even though everything inside screams to hang on, deep down I know she would never be happy. Our relationship is in the middle of adjusting and transforming. There is a ripping off of what I have known to be parenthood. It literally feels like someone is taking a knife to cut away the paradigm I have believed, needed and clung to in desperation. As this paradigm of belief fades, I find I have no real understanding of what my role should look like. I can look back to my personal story, but quiet honestly don't like what I see. It isn't what I want for our kids.

The only one I know to look to is God. He is recreating me in some pretty wild and amazing ways. Codependence, manipulation and controlling behavior is slowly changing to interdependence, listening and boundaries. I am certainly not there yet. I am such a beginner. But God is graciously leading me through this glorious change. The change isn't easy but it is so good.

May we embrace the tearing away of the old in order that the new can spring to life.

Cathy

Sabbatical Day 105...

2008-04-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

...or Day 29 of the One Month To Live Experiment.

Today started late because of a late night reunion with Lauren. She returned from an out-of-town excursion with her dear friend Kate. It is amazing to see your youngest grow up into a young woman, full of adventure and confidence in the Lord. Yes she did come back with another piercing. However, in light of my One Month To Live Experiment it just didn't matter. :0) How could Lauren be so lucky. LOL

This morning I hung out in Ephesians 1 and Isaiah 30. Here are a only a few thoughts I want to share. Isaiah 30:15 says, "... In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." This rocked my soul. You see before my sabbatical I was living in the last half of this verse. Even though my soul cried out for salvation and strength, I was not allowing myself rest or quietness in order to move towards repentance and trust; I lived in the "but you would have none of it" mode.

Now that isn't what I would have called it at the time. I would have said things like, "I am too busy. I don't have a choice. This is expected of me. I must get this done. I'll take time next week." When confronted, I also would have been thinking to myself, "How dare they. Who do they think they are? They must think that I am a slacker Christian." But when God says those words it hurts and quit honestly is somewhat scary.

Today I see the pride that kept me from experiencing the salvation and strength that are mine as a result of God's love and mercy. Over the remaining time of my sabbatical, I want to create and practice a lifestyle of rest and quietness. I believe I will be productive and at times busy. However, the mode of my production will be from a soul that is quietly resting in my Papa's embrace. There I will find His strength and salvation for each moment of my day. There I will hear from Him.

In Isaiah 30:21 we see these words, "Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice saying, 'This is the way; walk in it." Those are the words I want to guide me. I want to follow the words from my Papa when He says, "Here is the light for your path; walk this way.... follow me... come back this way... U TURN NOW!"

So for day 29 of my experiment, I am giving my attention to the Father, listening for His voice behind me that is saying, "come on, walk this way." He will lead me in the right way every time. It will be the way of love, peace, joy, kindness... It will be the way that builds others up and encourages them. It will be the journey with road signs posting "I love you" all along the way.

Living my one and only life loved,
Cathy

Sabbatical Day 104 Delivered from all fear

2008-04-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

Fear and worry can overwhelm our days, keeping us trapped. We worry about the economy, the war, possible illness, our kids, our spouses, what people may think of us; this list can go on forever. Worries and fear rob us of our God-given destiny. It robs us of adventure. It robs us of the blessing of stepping out in faith, letting down our nets. It robs us of growth as people.

I am sure that I don't even know the full extent of how fear has kept me from moving forward. In some quiet moments with God, He has begun to reveal the lost moments as a result of fear. Generally, fear that has kept me from experiencing the fullness of life has been worrying about what people think. This realization has brought about a resolve to not allow fear to steal from me anymore.

Psalm 34:4-5 says, 'I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." Seeking God is the first step to being delivered from our fears. Wanting Him, delighting in Him, being at home with Him, kicking off our shoes and hanging out together in deep communion is the place where deliverance begins and is maintained. This requires time; uninterrupted time

You don't know how much I wish everyone could have the privilege of extended time with God. I wish we could come to a place of trust and security stepping outside of culture's grip in order to live abundantly with our Lord. What radical steps or even small steps could we take in order to sit with God for 15 minutes? What could I stop doing in order to spend moments talking to God, in His Word, or meditating during a sunset? How could I go to the center of my soul with God in order to love completely and live passionately for Him? I believe this is where we are to be.

If you and I knew we only had 30 days to live, we would abandon our fears, leaving them behind. We would passionately take on the next 30 days living in our priorities, not just saying they are our priorities. There would be peace, joy, love and all the other spiritual gifts God has for us; we would share them with everyone we knew. We would share Him with everyone. Relationships would be our first priority.

I am taking on the challenge to live the next 30 days as if it is my last 30 days on earth. I will be posting about this. If you would like to join me in this challenge please let me know through a comment or email me. Let's live abundantly.

Papa help us to really take this challenge seriously. We want to be changed and transformed by your help during the next 30 days, living in the abundance of your love and giving it away to everyone we can. Show us how. We need your help.

Living life loved,
Cathy

Sabbatical Day 100

2008-04-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

Why is identity so hard to find? Humans have to be the only beings in creation who find it difficult to live within their identity. I mean you don't see a fish trying to be a dog. Or a tulip trying to become a tree. Neither do we see the moon trying to be the earth. Everything in creation lives within it's specific identity. As a result, creation brings God glory.

We humans on the other hand, well we fall short of living in the center of our identity. We look to people, positions, roles, power and possessions all to define us. What we rarely understand is that our identity comes from the One who created us. Likewise, our greatest moments of contentment will be experienced as we live out our identity. It is a rare individual who understands themselves and is deeply secure. There is something very contagious about a soul who can be themselves without comparison, competition, jealousy or envy.

Interestingly enough, I believe when we seek God with all our hearts, our identity begins to fall into place. He restores the missing links in each of us; those links that we have been looking for in all the wrong places. But as we grow in our intimacy and relationship with the Father, we find our true selves emerging into the present. Our weakness does not bother us nearly as much because God loved us all along. Humility forms as a result of truly understanding that our strengths are really gifts from God and we didn't do one thing to get them. Living in our God-given identity is the best gift we can give back to our Lord.

May we not settle for pretense, or for the mask that we easily wear in front of people. I hope to fully remove the mask as I learn what is hiding behind it. I have a feeling I will like my true self far more than the mask. I have a feeling it will be easier to live in this true identity than with the mask. Positioning, defending, judging... will all come off with the mask.

Romans 6 tells us that the old self (mask) is put to death when we receive Christ into our life and that a new life begins. This new life is the life that we were always meant to live. It is our true identity. Let's embrace this transformation and follow Christ, becoming devoted more and more each day to Him.

Sabbatical Day 99 Freedom

2008-04-09T14:01:00.000-07:00

What a day! Jesus met me in counseling. The pain is still deep. Yet, I know the Lord is at work. All of this time away from work has given me opportunity to really process my past, present and shed light on the future. Through the words of a trusted counselor I became acutely aware of my pain. I have never felt valued or of worth for who I am. Thus I have tried, without success, to define my value and worth through what I could do and how others see me.

I don't know even how to begin to explain this pain and the defenses I use to shield myself from further pain. Seeking validation from others and in what I do is exhausting. Pleasing others, not out of motivation to serve, but out of neediness to be recognized sickens me. But it is the truth about who I have been.

My counselor said it so well. We all want others to like us; to be pleased with us. But eventually there comes a time when we recognize that even though we want that, we don't need it; our value is in Christ and His love on the the cross. Every day I must place the needy Cathy at the foot of the cross. From that vantage point as I visualize her kneeling, I hear Jesus telling her she is His beloved.

At times I find it hard to embrace Christ's love. However, it is the truth that I cling to. Christ's love has never let me down. In my soul, I am desperate for that kind of value, worth and love. This hunger in me for validation is voracious. It is an infinite black hole of need. I have only one hope of filling that hole and that is Jesus Christ.

Again I leave you with another song. Please find the song In Your Freedom recorded by Hillsong. The words are below. Listen to this song as many times as you may need. God is rescuing me each day, moment by moment. His love is truly all I want and most definitely all I need.

In Your Freedom
by Marty Sampson, Raymond Badham

(PRE-CHORUS)
I have nothing more
Than all You offer me
There is nothing else that's of worth to me

Chorus 1
I love You Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You're all I need

Verse 1
I search for You God of strength
I bow to You in my brokenness

Verse 2
No other king could have so humbly come
To save my soul and heal my heart

Verse 3
I pray to You God of peace
I rest in You my cares released

Misc 2
(BRIDGE)
In Your freedom I will live
In Your freedom I will live
I offer devotion
I offer devotion
(REPEAT)

Sabbatical Day 98 More thoughts on trust

2008-04-08T12:17:00.000-07:00

Psalm 34:3-7 says, "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and he will do this; He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes."

What an incredible passage. As I read, there are a few words that really pop out...trust, be still, wait patiently, delight yourself in the Lord, commit. All these words require action or perhaps inaction on our part. For all these verbs there is an underlying truth that is foundational to all the others. That word and action is trust.

I am coming to realize the more I do or the busier I am, the less I trust God. For example, working to produce something to the point that I go without rest and fail to connect with God usually means I don't trust God to carry out the cause. Often, I have even taken a job that God never asked of me. If I trust God I will be still. If I trust God I can wait patiently knowing He has it in control. If I trust God I won't fret over what people think or compare myself against their so-called success. If I trust God, He will be my complete delight; more than getting my basement carpeted. If I trust God, I will desire more than anything to be His daughter living out the adventure He has in store instead of writing my own epic.

God is radically, completely, always and forever trustworthy. Loving Him must take steps of trust. Loving Him is to die to myself while trusting His plan. This stage in life seems like one death after another. It is the surrender of children, position, relationships and the complete demolition of all that once seemed firm.

Friends, there is absolutely nothing trustworthy in this world but God Himself. Friends and family all want to be trustworthy. If we are Christians I believe we are on the transformative path to becoming trustworthy. However, we wear flesh that is weak. We will from time to time let each other down. For those of us who have failed someone we love, we all know that restoring trust is hard work. God on the other hand never has to restore trust; he never walks away from His character of trust.

We must spend time in the center of our souls where God resides, where He longs to sit with us revealing His love and trust. Cry out to Him. Seek Him in quiet surrender. Lay down the people, positions, things, past, present or future circumstances in your life that you hold tightly because you don't trust God with them. You must be tired of having a death grip on those things. I know I am. I am simply too weary to keep hanging on to these things that are not bringing life to this heart.

I would like to suggest a moment for you. Please go to your favorite MP3 or song source and download a song titled "The Stand" by Hillsong. The words are below. Please listen to this song in your time with the Lord. Take in the words. May they become the cry of your heart.

Be blessed.

The Stand
by Joel Houston

Chorus 1
So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Verse 1
You stood before creation
Forever within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

Verse 2
You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

(PRE-CHORUS)
So what can I say
And what can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

Verse 3
So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
My life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

Sabbatical Day 97

2008-04-07T12:38:00.000-07:00

Sorrow is my constant companion today. Sorrow over a growing awareness of my sinfulness and my lack of response to love is heavy. Yet, as I have wondered the scriptures today, the hope of Christ is still with me. There is a tension between sorrow and awe. Sorrow for the reality of my sin and awe for the One who loves me with my sin. Sin never changes Papa's faithfulness and love.

With each new revelation comes a growing mistrust of self and a firm trust in God. Truly, who else or what else can we trust? In humble awareness of my weaknesses, I am cautious to even go forward. However, I am beginning to realize that even this is enemy's attack to paralyze me in fear. Only God can transform this sinner's heart and create a new life formed and fashioned in His beauty.

Nonetheless, though sorrow abounds, my sense of joy and gratitude is even deeper. Victory through Jesus, salvation, a new life, freedom, love... all this and so much more are mine because of the relentless generosity, compassion, grace and tenderness of Jesus Christ. I feel like the woman in John 8 who anointed Jesus' feet with an expensive luxurious cream. Her joy and gratitude compelled her to extravagantly worship Jesus. She worshiped him even as others scorned her actions. She was madly in love with her Savior. Her intimate moment in worship was uncomfortable for those watching. Knowing that she would probably be misunderstood, I am sure she must have weighed it out in her mind. Still she worshiped Jesus like no else ever recorded.

Read through John 12. Put yourself in the story. You may find yourself to be the woman, Judas, one of the others in the room, or maybe just yourself as you look on. How does it feel to watch this woman pour out her love? Are you uncomfortable? Do you wish you had the courage to worship Jesus like she did? What is your first reaction? Linger in this story. Let the truth unfold in your heart. Allow the Holy Spirit room to move in you, revealing truth and drawing you to the Jesus this woman loved so much.

Becoming an extravagant worshiper. Cathy

Sabbatical Day 91

2008-04-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

The spring flowers are amazing. They come up through the cold ground, springing forth with color that it simply brilliant after gray winters. How do they break forth in color before the leaves are on the trees? To me it is still to cold to hang out in the chilly spring temps. But not for the daffodils, hyacinths, tulips and other beauties. Wow they are breathtaking.

I hope you find that these moments together bring you closer to God's embrace. May these few words strengthen, encourage and comfort you as you continue to walk this journey. Please feel free to comment on how God is at work in your world. Your pilgrimage is encouraging to others as well. We struggle together, encourage one another, celebrate each other's victories and grieve through the losses that come. Again feel free to share your thoughts.

Tonight, Barbara Walters is doing a special on living to be 150. I look forward to see what they have to say. On Good Morning America this morning they documented a woman who at the age of 100 that was taking care of her 80 year old daughter who was suffering from cancer. One of the comments was that these people who live so long have to learn how to handle loss. They have outlived their spouses, children, grandchildren and lived through many of their own life threatening illnesses. Another fact they noted was that each of these people still had purpose for their lives; they had a reason for getting out of bed in the mornings.

I'm not sure I want to live to be 150, but I do want to live each day with purpose. I believe God designs our lives and we can enjoy the adventure. I also know that there is an enemy who wants to steal that purpose, keeping us focused on ourselves. Today is a new day. It is one which God has given to each of us. No matter what our emotions or our mind may tell us, we must stand on the truth deciding to follow Him and love others. Thoughts and emotions are given to us by God and stolen from us by Satan. Discerning the differences and recognizing the truth and the lies can definitely bring us to a deeper relationship with God.

So here are a few questions we can begin to use to develop our sensitivity to God and His Spirit.
... What has happened today that I should be thankful for?
... Do I take His gifts for granted?
... Is my whole life becoming "Thank you" responses to God?.
... What do I find most difficult to be grateful for?
... Am I belcoming more and more Sprit directed?
... Am I open to all the channels by which God speaks to me?
... Did I allow Him to direct me in the events of this morning? this day?
... Do I experience His gifts a new? Peace? Love? Kindness? Gentleness? Patience? Joy? Fidelity? Self-control?

Next consider the following questions for examination of ourselves. Now this isn't to count up our failures and successes. Instead let's begin to look for the growth in our faith and how God is expanding our hearts to look more like His.
Questions could be
... Did I feel drawn by the Lord any time today through a companion, an event, a good book, nature...?
... What have I learned today about him and His ways in the ordinary occasions and in stray moments?
... How did I meet Him in fears, joys, work, suffering, misunderstanding?
... How did His word come alive to me today in my prayer time, scripture, other readings?
... In what ways have I encountered Christ through the member of my community? Have i brought Christ to them?
... In what have I been a sign of God's presence and love to my family, friends, people I work with, people I've met today?
... Have i felt moved to go out of myself in concern for the lonely, discouraged, sad, needy?
... how am I becoming more and more conscious of God's work in the church, in my country, in other countries of the world? How does it affect me?
... Have i experienced a growing awareness of my being loved, my sinfulness, a desire to reciprocate, my dependence on Christ?
... Finally, of what area of my being is Jesus not yet Lord?

This is a process of questions that we can use on a daily or weekly basis to allow God to examine our hearts, becoming honest before Him. If we are really daring, we will allow a trusted spiritual companion to join us in this examination.

Remember this is not used to beat us or shame us for what we are not doing or for the sin we still commit. This is to help us recognize our need for God, to celebrate growth. Without God we cannot grow. In fact left to our own devices and we will continue in the same struggles we have always experienced. But when united with God in the journey, slowly we will begin to experience renewal and transformation.

Be encouraged. Go for it. Embrace the transformation.

Sabbatical Day 90

2008-03-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

This is day 90 of a 180 day sabbatical. I guess that means I am at the half-way point. I am wondering what God might choose to reveal. Actually I am deciding to wait patiently on the Lord, allowing Him to take charge of our relationship. Waiting seems to put me in a dangerous place of enemy attack. Struggling to be quiet while fighting Satan's schemes on my emotions and thoughts can take it's tole.

I have heard of many fighting their own battles. Many are my friends. Some are acquaintances. All are struggling just to make it through the day. The pain of loss is overwhelming many right now. Isaiah 53:4 says, "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows...He was pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."

If this scripture is true (which i believe it is), then we cannot entertain the idea that no one understands us. If no one on this planet seems to understand and feel what you are experiencing, you can be guaranteed that Jesus does. You can look into the truth Jesus gave us and know you are understood and loved right in the middle of pain, confusion, suffering and yes in the middle of your sin. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can change this or take away His love, compassion, care, kindness or goodness from you.

If you are hurting right now, I would urge you to crawl into Jesus lap, allowing Him to hold you. If you are celebrating, run into His arms and party. If you are somewhere between on an ordinary day, walk with Him in contentment.

He is right here, right now.

Sabbatical Day 83

2008-03-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

The daily work of the Father is full of surprises. This weekend we were surprised by a special visit from our kids, Josh and Amy. Early Easter morning, I stole a few moments right at sun rise for alone time with Papa. We were sitting on the deck when the sun slowly rose over the horizon dawning the day of remembrance of our Savior's redeeming life. The birds sang. It was totally an experience of Papa's love and goodness.

The day continued with time of sharing with Josh and Amy. Then we headed off to worship and celebration. Anticipation was running high on Easter Sunday. (I pray that same anticipation runs through me each day) Finally, we returned home to gather around the table with warm conversation and laughter. I think Jesus enjoyed the day with us too. I know that I certainly enjoyed the showering of His goodness on me.

Today dawns with hope. It is a hope that rests in the one who is seated at the right hand of the Father, our Savior Jesus. This hope is not dependent on my ability. If it were then I would be in huge trouble. This hope is built on Jesus, His love, His power, and His humility. The words of the sermon still ring in my ear, when absolute power converges with amazing humility we find someone to whom we are drawn. Incredibly, God entrusts us to carry out His purpose with the same power and asks us to surrender in humility to the role of a servant.

At this point in my Sabbatical I find that I am to practice this within my family. I am to serve my family in love and the power of Christ. This is action. It is not something to be considered, or intellectualized. I am to move and live in this role of servant within my family. You just need to know that everything within me recoils at this truth. Servanthood is not second nature for me. On the contrary, I can't think of anything harder... not because of my family but because of my pride.

This is a battle and I am calling on Papa for help. When the kids were small I used to tell them that we practiced love and respect within our family. I continued by saying that if they loved and respected each other and Dennis and I as parents, I knew they would likewise respect and love others outside of the family. Little did I know that I would need those words for myself. Again I repeat, this isn't about my family, this is about the battle of standing firm against pride, ego, and allowing humility to reign.

I am a sinner saved by my Saviors humility, power, love and grace. Please read Phil. 2. I am sure that Paul's words are meant to help us realize that we need our Savior's help. In some ways I believe that Jesus felt all that we have experienced, fighting His own temptations against pride. But He stood firm. With His help and by His grace, I hope to do the same.

Papa, I really need you. Help me to stand firm against pride that seeks my own good. I want to be more concerned about others and be more excited for other's accomplishments than for my own. Help me Father to be my family's and friend's greatest cheerleader, desiring to serve... to wash feet like you did.

How is Papa asking you to serve those around you today? Seek His help, get up and do it. Stand firm friends.

Please feel free to use this blog with your comments. Your encouragement or your struggle can help others along the way.

Blessings to you.

Sabbatical Day 80 Half Way Point

2008-03-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

There has been so much come to me today. I don't think there is any coincidence that my half way point in the Sabbatical is also Good Friday. Many moments for pondering. I pray God has your undivided attention today. May you see Him in all you are doing because He has much to give, say and bring to you.

Listen. JUST LISTEN... wait patiently and listen.......

Sabbatical Day 79

2008-03-20T20:20:00.001-07:00

I have some suggestions. Run to the Lord. Put on the best music that leads you to worship our risen Savior. Go for a walk looking for His fingerprints. Sit quietly. Read from the Word. Take a friend out for coffee. Share a note of encouragement. Give a hug to one who is least expecting it. Color some Easter eggs. Forgive your enemy or your spouse or whoever you have failed to let off the hook.

Go friends meet with Jesus today in all you do.

Have a blessed Good Friday and Easter.

Sabbatical Day 78

2008-03-19T08:16:00.001-07:00

Today has already been a struggle. You know these kind of days. We all have them. The kind of days that tension seems to fill you up before your feet hit the floor. Worries over the littlest things overwhelm me. Why? I wish that I could get final victory over these emotions. These moments make me feel like a failure in my walk. This is just so ridiculous.

It is during times like this that I must remember God's truth and stand firm on these truths instead of allowing emotions to run wild. Emotions are definitely a part of our DNA. And they are definitely used by God to help us draw closer to Him. However, we cannot base our response to life on these emotions. Our emotions are real and should not be denied as if they do not exist. Likewise, we must bring our emotions to God in meditation and prayer. Recognizing these feelings can bring us to a closer walk and intimacy with God.

As we begin to recognize the movement at the core of our being, at the core of our hearts, we can ask ourselves some defining questions. Questions such as:
... Which feelings lead me to the Lord?
... Which feelings lead me away from the Lord?
... Are these feelings a direct result of wounds past or present?
... Am I allowing God to enter into these feelings: giving Him freedom to bring about His good purpose?

I have been given some incredible resources on prayer of examen. These are times of meditation when we sit with God to look over our days allowing Him to kindly and gently lead us in transformation. Over the next few days I will share some of these resources.

The first resource that I would suggest is so simple. Sit down at the end of your day (you may want to journal this time) and meditate on the best and worst parts of your day. Take a look over the last 24 hours asking God to help you see the best time during your day. This may have been a moment of quiet when you felt at peace. It may have been a belly laugh with a friend. It may have been smelling spring in the air. Whatever it was... take time to really consider what the best part of your day was and how God gave it to you. Thank Him for it... let it sink into your heart that this was a time when God was saying, "I Love You and am especially fond of You. I created that moment for you."

Next think through the last 24 hours and consider what was the worst part of your day. Why was it bad? How did it affect you? Did you look for God in this time? What does God want to say to you? Now let me warn you, this is not a time to beat yourself up. This is a time to allow God to love you again. You see, it is when we see our failures and still allow God to love us deeply in it that we move toward intimacy. Let's face it... when do you feel the most loved? Is it when you receive accolades for a job well done? Or is it when you mess it up and someone draws close, loving you in your mess? Again allow God to tell you that He is crazy about you even when you screw up. You are dearly and deeply pleasing to Him no matter what you may do or not do.

Now thank God for the best part of your day and for the worst. Both can bring us closer to God, creating a heart of thanksgiving and dependence on Him.

Papa thank you for loving us when we are down, tense, worrisome, troubled, when we are giddy with joy and every emotion in between. Papa I remain in you. Papa I relax in you. Papa I release day to You.

Sabbatical Day 77 More Wonderings on Love

2008-03-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

At times I feel like a broken record. I keep sensing the same things over and over and over again. This is probably because it takes me a long time to embrace a truth and live there. I just don't get it with one shot. So at the risk of repeating myself, here are a few thoughts about love and the freedom we can have because of it.

Let's take a moment to go to John 13:3-5. It reads, "Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him." (my italics)

Reading this scripture gives me a sense that Jesus knew exactly who he was, his purpose, the love of His Father and what He was to do at that moment. In this deep security, He took off the role of teacher and Lord and put on the role of servant. Instead of asking someone else to wash the disciples feet, He did it himself. This is striking to me. God... in flesh... creator... serving the created. He lived from the center of the security of the Father's love for Him. Jesus was so secure in that love, He did not need to prove His position. He lived out the ultimate love for us.

Jesus' freedom to serve was a result of deep abiding love. Everything the Father gave to Jesus, Jesus in turn gave away to others. Taking on the limitations of the flesh meant Jesus could only give what the Father gave to Him. It was all Jesus had and he gave it to us.

Today Jesus continues giving. He gives us love, security, our resources, our stories, our journeys, our friends, our kids, our spouses, our extended family. Look around you. Everything you see, all you take in, the people in your life.... everything is given by God. The gift you can give back to God is your journey.

I love these words by Fr. Pedro Arrupe, S.J. He says, "Nothing is more practical than finding God, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evening, how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything."

Jesus was totally in love with the Father. This love decided everything for Him. He trusted the Father completely. He committed His life into the Father's hands.

God's love for us is no different. This love is completely good, endures forever and always seeks our good. This is the kind of love we can trust. We can rest assured, relax and remain in this love. We don't have to know all the details of the future. We don't have to know all there is to know. We obviously would like to know everything, but we can leave the full knowing to God. This is real trust and real faith; leaving the knowing to God.

When we leave the knowing to God, we put today and the future in His very capable hands. The moments we do consider the future, we dream instead of worry and hope replaces fear. Freedom begins to take root and real fruit is born.

Sabbatical Day 76 Judgement or Love

2008-03-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

If I could stand outside of myself, watching me for a day, I think I would cry, laugh and wonder "Who does she think she is anyway?" When I stop to consider that this is God's vantage point and equally that He can see within me, I find His love to be a powerful force of change in me. I, being human, can get pretty turned off by me when I stop to really look at my truth. God is never turned off. In fact that simple reality makes His love complete all by itself.

I think there are two basic vantage points. Humanity's is judgement. God's is love. Humanity nearly always responds to life in judgement of right or wrong, good or bad, and comparison. Think about it. The last conflict in relationship that you experienced, who was right? Chances are you were. Who was wrong? Likewise the other person. In Christian circles we cloak this often as discernment. Then we bring God into the issue as if He agrees with our thinking.

God's vantage point is always love. It is a love that:
... compels.
... moves.
... responds for and toward the other person.
... serves.
... is humility in action.
... celebrates the other person and their accomplishments more than our own.
... is excited to see others succeed.
... limits our desires in order to help others.
... trusts.
... is secure and brings security to our souls, minds and even our bodies.
... and it is a love the disciplines for our good.

Today is an opportunity for another chance to learn how to love. It is equally another opportunity to learn how to receive love; to learn how to live life loved.

Please read these words from Jesus slowly. Let them soak into your heart.

John 7:37 "If anyone is thirsty let him come to me and drink."
John 8:12 "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me."
John 14:26 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 15:4 "Remain in me. Make your home in me and I will make my home in you."
John 15:11 "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that you may have it to the full."
John 20:22 "Receive the Holy Spirit."

Here's your action. Receive. Let me say it again. This love is already yours. In order to experience it all you have to do is RECEIVE. Like we were all taught, after we receive a gift we simply respond with, "Thank You."

Today keep your eyes and ears open to God's love language that He wants to speak into you. Each time you experience His love, simply respond with "Thank you Papa. That was awesome!" Before you know it, you will be saying Thanks all day long.

Thanks Papa for the rain today. I know it is going to raise a harvest of beautiful spring flowers.

Sabbatical Day 73

2008-03-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

I love spring. I love to walk outside looking for signs of life. Tulips, hyacinths, daffodils, wheat fields all bring hope that winter is almost over and spring is coming. Newness always brings hope. Experiencing the renewed warmth of the sun sends me out to walk and breath in the fresh air.

God and I have had a few walks this week. We yuk it up about what's going on in my head. At times I am quiet enough to ask, "So what about You? What's going on in your heart Papa." Fun times...our conversations.

Do you ever wonder what it would have been like to walk with Jesus like the disciples did? Wonder what they talked about? What inside jokes did these 13 men have? Can you joke with the Son of God? Could He really have had a sense of humor? Absolutely. He was in relationship with these men. They were normal men living beside the Son of God.

We have made this relationship far too hard and legalistic. I believe He loves child like conversations and experiences. I believe He likes to play, create, run, walk, listen, cry, laugh, lay in the sun watching the clouds roll by, and roll up His sleeves working hard with purpose.

I am falling in love more each day with Papa, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Just being with them changes me. Read that sentence again. JUST BEING WITH THEM CHANGES ME. We don't have a formula or recipe. We are just living life together. It is an experience of relationship and love unlike anything in my past.

I came across the book "Surrender to Love" by David G. Benner. Benner writes, "Genuinly encountering love is not the same as inviting Jesus into your heart, joining or attending a church or doing what Jesus commands. It is the experience of love that is transformational. You simply cannot bask in divine love and not be affected." This is so true. We have reduced the relationship with God to disciplines and activity. PLEASE HEAR ME. I AM NOT SUGGESTING THAT WE GIVE UP THE SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES. I do believe however, there is a deeper place in relationship that is available.

A question came to me during my time away. I ask it of you. What do I know about God from direct personal experience? This stopped me in my tracks. I know many things about Him. I know some of the theology and doctrine. But that theology and doctrine isn't an intimate experience with God. I have had moments and experiences; the on/off again type. But sustaining, direction-altering changes have been few.

I am so hungry and desperate for the experience. It doesn't have to be mountaintop moments everyday. I want the day to day experience as well. God and me over lunch, laundry, other relationships, work, in it all. I want Him. I need His light, life, bread, water, way, word, healing, movement, breathe, heartbeat. Are you getting the picture? I am nothing. HE IS EVERYTHING.

He is Teacher, Comforter, Guide, Lover, Savior, Friend, Counselor, Redeemer, Prince of true Peace, Shield, Shelter, Refuge, Defender of my weakness, Strength, King of Kings, Lord of Lords...and best of all HE IS MINE. HE IS YOURS TOO! I just want to shout it out.

I watch the world pass Him up and long to say...You need to know my Savior. He can do for you what no one can. Please come, get to know My Jesus, My Papa, My Holy Spirit. Please let them have a chance and moment with you.

Now I must run along. God and I are headed to clean this house and pay bills. It will be a full day together. Hope yours is too.

Sabbatical Day 72

2008-03-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

True humility is a gift. I think it may be define as freedom at its finest. Jesus is our greatest example of true humility. In reality Jesus, along with the Father and the Holy Spirit created all things. Usually we consider people who create as the sole owner and propriators of the creation. In fact we have laws that protect their artistry and creation giving them complete rights to their work.

Jesus is creator. Even thought He deserved all the rights that come with His role, in humility He gave those up for love; a deep love for the created. The mystery is that Jesus laid it all aside in order to save and heal the world of it's sin. Jesus clung to nothing. He was completely free.

I am sure that He endured the flesh screaming for its rights. Instead, He said no to the flesh and yes to the Father and to us. This is humility.

As I look at my Savior, I long to be recognized with Him. Knowing I am such a beginner in humility, I have a vast distance ahead of me to reach the goal. Yet I have Hope with a capital H, because Jesus knows this struggle. He knew that everything was His. He knew His identity of being God's only Son. He knew His purpose. He resolutely set out to live His purpose. He felt every temptation. He was victorious over Satan's lies and schemes. He knew He could not make it without the Father. He relied on the Holy Spirit. He knew weakness and strength all at the same time.

Here's the clincher. He said that He would give us the Spirit to carry out His perfecting work in us. We must sit with Him, live with Him in the scriptures, work beside Him in our day, sleep in His embrace, awaken to His creation and turn our attention moment by moment to Him throughout our day. Then allowing Him to examine us and surrendering to His remolding of our lives, we can begin the slow transformation of taking on His likeness of humility.

Time, willingness, surrender, desire...these are all the qualities we bring to His capable hands. He promises to lead us on the transformational journey.

Sabbatical Day 71

2008-03-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

During my time away, I have hung out in the gospel of John. I am coming to love John more with each day. He captures Jesus in ways that the other writers of the gospels does not. He constantly quotes Jesus as saying "I tell you the truth..." Over and over again, we see Jesus wanting people to know the truth. He wasn't making it up along the way. Jesus brought truth to the day and the people.

One of the verses that I have jumped over many times is John 5:17. It reads, "Jesus said to them,'My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I too, am working.'" Jesus was talking to the Jews who were persecuting him for healing on the Sabbath.

I guess I have never thought of God as busy or at work. I seem to think of God just hanging out, looking over the heavenly banister, watching the chaos from afar. I never thought of God working. Sure, He probably doesn't work like we do, but He does enter into each day with purpose, plans, and maybe even a priority list(just my idea here). However we may see it, Jesus tells us that the Father is always at work and that He too is working.

So with that said, work must be an ok thing. Our own work, our labor is then a point of contact with God, not a distancing from Him. So many times we compartmentalize God right out of our work. We believe He has a place in our spiritual journey, maybe even our emotional health, but surely not in our daily mundane work. But quite contrary to this, God actually is at work 24/7. Thus He longs to enter our daily life as a point of connection.

Imagine for just a moment, God with you while you meet with a client. God with you in the classroom. God with you while you wash dishes and fold the last of a hundred pairs of socks. God with you as you work on the car, as you serve the irate customer. Imagine...God at work, entering and laboring next to you, with you, pulling the load along side you. Can you see the purpose God gives your work when He is laboring with you?

All of a sudden there is nothing mundane in our days. The simplest of tasks seem to open to greater opportunities to serve. Before you know it, we are experiencing connection to God as much in our 40+ hours a week job as we do during a church service, or prayer. Here we continue to live in the center of Him. More importantly, He moves into our days and out into the world through us. Our attention is drawn to God and His world.

At this point, we no longer are just making a living, we are the missionaries in the world He has always wanted. Purpose ceases to revolve around the dollar but around God's greater purpose of loving people; those we work with, those we serve, our bosses, employees, peers, customers, clients, patients, anyone we lock eyes with. Our eyes open to the sacredness of God in every person we meet. As we serve we enter into holy moments.

Now this is all much easier to write about than to do. Jesus' full time job lead Him straight to a cross. I will not sit here behind this keyboard and pretend this is easy. Far from it. It wasn't for Jesus and it certainly isn't easy for us. However, we have a promise from the one who always tells the truth. Jesus said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matt 28:18-20.

Our job isn't our careers. Our job is to use the careers God gave us to be His ambassadors to the world. God is at work. Our Savior is at work. We are at work.

Papa, thank you for our jobs which you do use to supply our needs. However, may we begin to change our perspective to see that our main career is to go out and love the world to you. May we turn our attention to You, listening and looking for You. We love you Papa. Thanks for all you continue to do to bring us closer to You with each day.

Sabbatical Day 70

2008-03-11T13:58:00.000-07:00

The fourth day of the silent retreat found me in deep lonliness. It was a lonliness like I have never experienced. Incredibly, I believe I have filled my life with activity and noise to cover up the ache in my heart. But in silence, truth begins to rise to the surface; truth about ourselves and thankfully truth about God.

During this overwhelming lonliness came Satan's attack. In the past, I have always turned to others to fight off the assaults of the enemy. I have turned to working harder to prove my worth and value. I have turned to food to seek comfort. I have turned to friends craving their approval. This time however, there was no turning to the usual to fend off the attack. I was left with the painful truth that I was weak, needy, lonly, and completely vulnerable. I was scared. No one was there. I had no one to turn to...at least no one with flesh and blood.

God seemed agonizingly quiet as well. I prayed. I read. I journaled. I prayed some more. Nothing was breaking the attack. I didn't know what else to do.

Finally, crawling into bed, clutching a pillow, sobs broke from my heart; sobs that racked my soul. Pain that I had covered completly engulfed me. There in the lonliness of a silent and simple room, I cried out to God. I remember through my tears saying, "God, I wish you had skin on." In the most loving and gentle way Papa responded with, "If I did I couldn't hold your heart."

At this very moment those word still stir my soul. You see He holds my heart; the place that few have entered. He gently and with relentless tenderness embraces my heart...the place where pain, joy, sin, sorrow, worship....where everything that makes me me resides. He doesn't turn away. He doesn't run for the door. He has never thrown up His hands wondering what to do next with me. He has waited for this time. Why I made Him wait so long, I don't really know and it really doesn't matter much anyway. All I know is His patience outlasted my pride, fear and anxiousness.

His patience will outlast any of our attempts to keep Him at arms length. His love endures forever and ever and ever for all eternity. We cannot outlast His attempts to bring us into the fullness of the life He longs to give us.

Psalm 103:8-0 "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities." Our God is so good, so faithful, so complete.

You may not be ready to move towards Him. But that's ok. He'll be there when you are. Just a suggestion...you can trust Him. He is faithful...so go ahead, take a step towards Him. He has more love, more grace, more mercy than you can imagine.

His love never and I repeat, never fails.

Sabbatical Day 65

2008-03-06T08:33:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here with Lauren...she just got her MacBook. I have computer envy. I just had to confess my sin. LOL

Now with that out of the way...

One of the moments during my silent retreat brought about some deep awareness of how little I know about myself and who I really am. All my life I have spent a great deal of energy being what and who everyone else needed me to be. This has not been all bad. I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing in the roles I have played. I just would have played them in the center of being me.

In many ways I think we all have lived here. We see others, wishing that our lives resembled theirs. We then copy our lives after them. This isn't always a bad thing. However, we can often loose ourselves as we look to people and this world for approval and our identity.

It came to me while in silence that the One who created me is the One who really knows my true identity as He intended me to be. The next few paragraphs are pieces of my journeling through this adventure.

"My only real understanding or access to who I am is in God. He holds all that understanding and truth within Himself. If I want to know me, I must go to the One who created me, thought of me, looked forward to me, and can't wait to bring me home. If I want to know me, I must run and desperately desire Him. He holds the keys to unlocking the hidden truth of who I am.

I have search the world to know my purpose. I have searched and sought the opinions of others,read books, and took tests in order to know my 'gifts and strengths'. How contrary. I can know these things through my Papa who gave me brown hair and brown eyes. I can go to the One who knows my pain and suffering and can mysteriously use it to lavishly bestow mercy and bring about good for others and His Glory.

So I come Papa asking and seeking to know the Cathy Ann Mack Turner you created. I want
...to love her as You love her
...to accept her as you accept her
...to jump up and down in delight as she breaks forth in Your glory
...to have compassion on her when she falls in weakness
...to run with her
...to be estastic over her and the creations You create through her
...to hold her quietly as she falls asleep
...to watch over her with diligence and faithfulness
...to guide her by Your truth
...to embrace her for what she means to You
...to break down the box she created in order to feel safe
...to see her fall into her Creator's arms of grace
...to gaze upon her as she flys on Your wings
...to cry with her in her sorrows and hold her in her hurts
...to linger as she experiences Your joy, peace, gentleness and kindness
...to behold her running from her comfort zone and dive into the adventure You have for her
...to live with her in the very center of You, no longer a prisoner or a captive but freed and captivated by You.

Oh Papa to know You. Not to understand You, because You are far greater than that, but to trust You. This is what I desire. This is what I long for and want to linger over."

Friends if you wonder who you are, may I direct you to Psalm 139. Let it soak into your heart. Read it over and over and over again until it's truth penetrates your soul. I would venture to guess that Papa is far more enamoured and fond of you than you are. In most Christian circles we are reminded to think less of ourselves and more of others, which is completely true. Equally we are told to love others as we love ourselves. If you have a hard time loving others, just maybe you haven't learned to love yourself yet. Think on this for a while.

Hanging out with Papa...

Sabbatical Day 64

2008-03-05T08:04:00.000-08:00

My first day of my silent retreat began at 4:00 am with a quick shower, final packing and running to the airport. Being in a growing church, I always board planes wondering if there is someone on board who knows me and I unfortunately may not recognize them. I wish God had given me a bigger hard drive. The ram access is sometimes stuck (if you know what I mean). Anyway I sat down in my seat and prepared to make myself comfortable. The dramamine took over within minutes and I was out. (Yes I suffer from motion sickness.)

After spending a good portion of my day with my Spiritual mentor, silence began at 3:00 pm. Wes introduced me to Pat at the retreat house and then was quietly off to return home. There I was. There were no TV's, no computer stations, no music playing in the background, no talking, just complete stillness. Up to this point I had always thought of myself as a quiet person. Nothing prepared me for how quiet quiet can be. Nothing prepared me for the emptiness of sound and distractions.

I quickly unpacked my suitcase, then looked around my little room and said to myself, "Now What?" So like the good little Christian woman that I am, I picked up the Bible and began. If I was here to listen to the Lord, I had better get started. So with my mind still whirling and far from stillness, I picked up in Psalm 27. As I read nothing came. My "let's get on with it attitude" was not producing any light bulb moments. I became anxious. Why wasn't God speaking...after all I had a great deal to learn and only 7 days to do it. (I hope you all are laughing at me...because I am).

So like usual, when I don't seem to be hearing from the Lord, I put on my tennies and headed outside. I breathed in deep breathes of fresh air. The sun's kiss on my face warmed my soul. As I walked up the hill I breathed even deeper...really I was sucking air in that altitude. Nonetheless, it was refreshing.

As I walked a particular path, I stopped to look out over the valley. There, not 30 yards away, were 8 doe. Silently, while hardly breathing, I watched them. They nibbled on dry leaves and grass. It was so fun to watch their curious ways. I always knew when the recognized my presence. They stopped, stared straight at me with their deep brown eyes and would snort at me. They never ran away. We were just there together. I was reminded of the Psalm, "As the deer pants for water, so my soul longs for You." It was a moment with God and His creation.

Upon returning to my room I went back to Psalm 27, particularly verses 13 through 14. It reads, "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." At that moment, a flood of tears rushed down my face. God in His kindness reminded me that He would take me on this journey, revealing what He knew I needed. Equally He would do it in His time and His way...not too soon...not too late...but at the right time. He would choose how He would communicate...through the Word...during my walks...in nature....sitting quietly in a swing...in front of a fireplace...from writings of others...through words from His Sprit. My only job was to wait, listen, trust that He would share His goodness and finally to respond to Him.

As I went to dinner that evening, tears continued to flow. I couldn't imagine why God would pour out His kindness on me. These were tears of gratitude...tears from the touch of His hand. Again I was reminded, He captures each of my tears knowing exactly the source. He keeps them, tenderly saving them because they are a part of me. Those tears mean as much to Him as they do to me.

That night I curled up in bed, snuggled under the covers and quietly rested. Slipping off to sleep, I heard Him say, "I love you Cathy, my precious daughter. Thanks for coming to be with me...just the two of us. We are going to have an incredible time. I have it all planned."

Wait. Slip into His arms friends. Wait for Him.

Sabbatical Day 62

2008-03-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

Wow. It has been quite a journey since my last post. I certainly wish I could sit with each person to share a meal, conversation and connection so I could bring to you the experience I am having. But more importantly, I long to communicate that I believe God has a journey, a plan uniquely for you and Him. It is an intimate place of union where your heart melts into His. Your love story with the Savior is being written each day. He writes His story on your mind, your heart, your soul, your face, your hands, your feet...everything within you cries our for the adventure of this eternal love story. Oh please my dear friends, enter into this story. Don't let it pass you by. I did. With regret over lost time yet mixed with eternal hope, I know my future will not look the same as my past. No...it is redeemed and set aside...holy for Him.

With that said, where do I begin? Well let me go to the beginning of a two week rendezvous and adventure I had with the Lord. On February 15, I set out on a trip to Springfield MO to see our kids Josh and Amy. The rest of the family was in Nicaragua on a missions trip and I had been home alone for a couple of days prior to my departure. It was a roadtrip for which I was deeply looking forward. I had planned to leave that morning, taking my time to antique along the way. Packed and with Ipod in hand, I set out around 10:00 that morning. I was singing tunes, rocking and jiving as much as this white girl can. :) It was pure and simple fun.

As a side note, you must know that I did have a treasure in mind. It is one that I have been hunting for over ten years. In an earlier post, I spoke of Cleatice, my neighbor who was in many ways like a grandmother to me. In the post I spoke of her iced tea. The brown tea pitcher she used was etched in my memory. So I was on an adventure to find the tea pitcher.

So back on the road, I stopped at the first open antique shop along the highway that I could find. Walking into the shop was like walking into the past. It was so full of furniture and treasures of the past that I wasn't sure I could even begin to have the time for this search. Two or three minutes after I entered, the shop owner came in. She was a friendly woman whom I could tell was a hard worker. She knew the store and every piece she had crammed into the smallest of space. She asked what I was looking for. As I described the pitcher she walked around looking over the store. While visiting she picked up the pitcher and said, "Is it anything like this one?" My mouth flew open. It was all I could do to keep the tears from welling over my eyes and down my cheeks. She seemed to understand. She commented, "Isn't it fun to find something that brings back special memories." We talked about tea....the way it used to be made. Ingredients were well water, boiled loose tea, plenty of sugar, steeped and poured over the tiny ice cubes that seemed to have their own flavor and smell because of the old refrigerators.

Needless to say, I was overwhelmed in the kindness of my Lord. He knew where our tea pitcher was and He made sure I found it.

Continuing on I asked the shop owner if she knew of any small town diners with home cooking. She directed me to Stewards in Asbury MO. Well it is definitely small town....there couldn't be more that 500 in the town. I walked into the tiny diner, the kind where the bell dings as you go through the door. Now I have to tell you that it was just like going home. The diner had 5 tables total. Two tables had dirty dishes, two other tables had customers. As I walked through the door, ten eyes stared and 5 mouths hung open. Unless you are from a small town, you just can't appreciate this scene. I wanted to laugh out loud and say "You don't see strangers around here much, do you." I kept my mouth shut. Finally to break the silence, I asked the waitress if I could sit at the table in the corner. She nodded and ran for the kitchen.

In a moment another waitress welcomed me with a menu, silverware and asked what I would like to drink. Of course they had sweet tea. So we were off to a great start. If you have been with me you know I love pork tenderloin sandwiches, which are relatively hard to find in restaurantes. You guessed it...they had it on the menu. Along with the sandwich came homemade potato salad....Oh my gosh, you would have thought I had died and gone to heaven. But wait there is more. As I enjoyed my sandwich, potato salad and sweet tea, I eyed the pies on the counter. I asked the waitress if by chance they had coconut meringue pie. Yep...one piece left. I threw all caution and calorie counting to the wind. I knew definitely I was in heaven by this time.

I visited with the waitress and found out she was from Mulvane KS. She was a hometown girl, her name was Kathy and we knew many of the same stomping grounds. Finally finishing off the pie, I sat back in food coma contentment and realized I still had an hour and a half of driving to go. I told Kathy I hoped I didn't fall asleep driving. In nothing flat she sent me on my way with a huge cup of coffee on the house.

Now you may be wondering what all this has to do with my journey with God. Well it is like this. I had asked Him for this time. It was our date. He gave me everything I asked for. Even at this moment as I remember back on that day, I feel His love and pleasure. I don't just know about His love....I have experienced it. Could He love us in such an intimate way...providing the very moments we ask for? All I know is He did for me. I am still amazed. Down in the depth of my being, I know Papa loves His girl because He cares about the little things I care about. That's my Papa.

Psalm 139:13-18 says, "For you created me my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand."

That day to Springfield was ordained and planned. He knows me so well that He put together the day in such a way that shouted, "I LOVE YOU CATHY TURNER." It was my date with my Papa.

Today is no different. Oh Papa open our eyes to your plan for us just for today. Help us to see your love letters that you drop into our hearts. May we hear you whisper to us in our own love language, "I love you my child."

Papa, we love you.
Your Kids

Sabbatical Day 47

2008-02-16T08:53:00.000-08:00

God is in the details and cares about the little things. Can't wait to share the details of time away. I am so in love with my Savior. I am so in love with my Papa. I am so in love with the Holy Spirit that walks with me each day. It is so fun to celebrate life with Him each day.

Sabbatical Day 45

2008-02-14T18:08:00.000-08:00

My quiet moments were spent today in the lounge at the mechanic's. I along with a few others waited while our cars were being serviced. I read and wrote in my journal during the hour and a half that I spent there this morning. Incredible where you can find yourself experiencing God.

Beauty is all around us yet seldom do we take it in. Now I am sure you are wondering what kind of beauty could I possibly encountered at mechanic's. I must admit it was a very typical setting....couch, chairs, tv, and the smell of exhaust and stale cigerette smoke. So I can't really say the beauty was in that environment. No, it was in the book I read and the scripture in Psalm 27:4 that grabbed my attention. This scripture says, "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

Gazing upon God's beauty has to be breathtaking. I have moments of awe as I relish in God's creation. If God can create this fabulous planet, then He himself is beyond words. God's beauty takes on a different definition.

We are made to long for and linger over beautiful places, paintings, sunsets, beaches, mountains, music, literature...anything created to bring beauty into our lives draws us. We are captivated by beautiful people, beautiful animals, flowers, a brilliant star-filled sky, or a warm sunny day after a cold, cold winter. We are drawn to those whose lives are simply gorgeous and peaceful. There is rest in the presence of beauty. There is a respite from the norm when we take in the glorious.

I don't know about everyone, but I know that I love creating beautiful moments for friends and family. I love taking extra care in making our days special. I love sprucing up my nest...making it a place of beauty, peace and rest.

But more importantly, I love sitting at the feet of my Savior, taking in His beauty. He is gorgeous, captivating, riveting and truly beautiful. As I linger with Him, He opens my heart to beauty. Our Triune God has made men and women to be the most glorious final touch of all creation. Look deep into the eyes of people. There you see eternal souls longing to be restored to their orginal state. That state is being in relationship with God who is putting all kinds of beautiful things in our paths in order to grab our attention.

The next time you see a sunset, remember, God made it just for you to behold the radiant color. The next time you see lightening fill the sky, don't forget God is calling for your attention. The next time you smell a rose, linger over the scent of heaven. The next time you hug a friend, unveil their true beauty as one of God's greatest masterpieces.

Papa, may you truly receive all the glory. May You, in me, be captivating. You bring out the beauty in us all. You are glorious. I want to gaze upon your beauty Lord. Please give me eyes to see, ears to hear, a soul that lingers, a hand that is soft, a heart that is brave, feet swift to help and a mind waiting for your wisdom. In our Savior's precious, beautiful name...Jesus...Amen

Sabbatical Day 44

2008-02-13T13:12:00.000-08:00

Self-worth and self-confidence are big issues in today's culture. Employers look for those who exude a manner of self confidence, knowing themselves and their abilities. Self confidence also means understanding our inabilities or weaknesses. Equally from this knowledge we can then present ourselves with accurate understanding of what we can or cannot do and how we can help any organization or system function.

Many would call this our identity. Our personalities, roles, relationships can all play a part of our identity. For example, I am Dennis's wife... Josh, Amy, Lauren and Charlie's mom...seamstress....homemaker....service program director.... The list can go on to the extent that I understand my abilities. However, all of roles and abilities are temporary if you believe in the eternal.

Incredibly, these roles play out in such huge ways in our lives that we rarely look deeper to find our true identity. We have little time or energy to give to the adventure of discovery of who we are in Christ. Instead we settle for the temporary identity rather than our eternal one that is crying to be known.

This morning I settled into John 8. Here we find Jesus constantly under the scrutiny of the pharisees. Their drilling of Jesus to prove His identity was never ending. They badgered him with questions, judged his actions and debated the testimony of His identity as the Son of God. Their condemning words and threats of stoning did not steal the truth of who Jesus was. He was secure in the Father. The Father loved Him and He equally loved the Father, bringing the Father glory in all He did. Not once do we see Jesus toying with the lies. On the contrary, His security in the Father would not even allow the lies to take root in His heart.

We are loved by the God of the universe. The best place to grow our security is in the truth of how God loves us and sees us. If we can begin to recognize the new life He wants to give us, I believe we will want it more than any temporary ability, stength, or role that we may have here on this earth. But when we receive His fulfilling love that no one can take away, we will glady give ourselves to serving this world in order that others may know His love.

So who am I...really? How do I want to be known? Who's image do I want the world to see...My false image, or the image God has created? If I take down the false image mask, what will I find? What does God see right now? It is time to listen to the One who knows what He has always dreamed of and hoped for me.

Sabbatical Day 42

2008-02-11T15:36:00.000-08:00

Today I had a conversation with a trusted counselor about boundaries. During these conversations I see more and more that I have few boundaries in my life. Lack of boundaries results in feeling powerless, abused, taken advantage of and depressed. Try as hard as I may to "serve" others, I still become angry. Having few boundaries causes me to take responsibility for things that I am totally not responsible for.

So with that said and knowing I need to explore this issue, I searched to see the boundaries God sets for himself. My first stop in the scripture was in John 6. The scene is on a mountain where some five thousand men are fed with five small barley loaves and two small fish. Upon experiencing this miracle, the people began to recognize Jesus as a prophet. Jesus recognized that they intended to make him king by force. With this realization He withdraws to the mountain by himself.

The temptation must have been pretty high. After all, to have people recognize his abilities and desire him to be their king would be a pretty heady trip. Knowing their plans for him would distract him from his real purpose set forth by God. Instead he chose to leave the people refusing their desires. He set a boundary...he said no.

So boundary number one for me is to ask the question "Will this distract me from what God wants for me?"

What distracts you from the goodness that God has in store for you? So many times we live out the plans others want instead of what we know God wants. We succomb to the pressure of yes to others in order to gain their approval. The only thing we have gained is their power to control us...not their approval.

Of course there is a huge difference in serving out of a true desire to love others and motivated to do what others want in order to gain approval. We must keep in contact with our interior life in order to recognize what is truly motivating us. Then it takes courage to carry out the truth by saying no or yes, whatever the case may be.

Walk couragously, following Him.

Sabbatical Day 41

2008-02-10T16:07:00.000-08:00

Hope the day was truly one of rest and restoration.

If nothing else sinks into your soul, I pray this does. May the truth that God is completely, deeply, eternally and incredibly good...no matter what...rest on your heart and mind as you take in this Sabbath. If you don't believe in God's goodness, you probably don't trust Him much. I can understand why. It is hard to trust someone who does not have your best interest at heart.

Worship, love and trust flows out of our knowledge of who God is. Responding to Him comes from knowing Him. We are told in scripture (Deut. 4:29) that "if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul."

I pray for a hunger that compels me to seek Him. Join me in this prayer for yourself, your family, your friends, your church, your co-workers...Pray for a hunger to take over our homes so we will seek God with all our heart and soul.

Sabbatical Day 40

2008-02-09T08:39:00.000-08:00

During Lent, many Christians give up some sort of food, or vice in order to prepare for Easter. For some it is soda, others maybe sweets, and still others may give up meat or hobbies. For me I sense that I am to give up false beliefs that lead to destructive emotions, thoughts and behaviors.

This time away from the usual hussle of life has afforded much needed moments to really get in touch with my emotions. Often during chaos, we react so quickly that we don't even know the emotions we are experiencing. We just know we feel bad or we feel good depending on the situation. Past that we really can't explain what may be rolling around in our heads and hearts.

Whether we believe it or not, or even want to admit it or not, we are at war. The battlefield is our minds. We live and respond from our beliefs. False beliefs or true beliefs all impact how we respond to each life situation. Tracking those beliefs through our emotions and behaviors can help us see the reality of our beliefs...are they false or true. Paul says in II Corinthians 10:3-5, "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations, and every lofty thing raise up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."

To win this war we must begin with what goes on in our mind. I love the words Paul uses here saying that we have divinely powerful weapons to destroy speculations and anything that raises up against God's truth. Years of trying to transform my thoughts on my own have left me discouraged and weary. Beating myself up for the inability to change leaves me feeling sad, ashamed and basically stupid. Why can't I get this right? Why do I keep falling for the same old issues? I have been a Christian for so long...so when am I going to see real, lasting, authentic transformation?

We will see real transformation when we begin to use the weapons God has given us to use. These weapons are divine...they are from Him with Holy Spirit power to change our beliefs in order to transform our emotions, thoughts and behaviors.

Here's the clincher. We have to cooperate. Yep, we can try doing this on our own, but will probably result in frustration because our weapons are not nearly powerful enough to withstand the enemy. Only His weapons can win in the battleground of our minds. Thank God for all He wants to do in order to win our battles. Let the battle wage on. My arsenal is changing. My arsenal is filling up with the supernatural weapons from Papa.

May you experience the Spirit's power this day. Spend some time today with God developing His strategy and seeking His help in the war room.

Sabbatical Day 39

2008-02-08T14:55:00.000-08:00

For anyone who reads this today I want you to know one thing. God cares for you. He cares about your hurts, your dreams, past wounds, current wounds, anxieties....whatever you worry about He deeply cares. The things that are too painful to whisper to anyone else can be shared with Him. He knows about it all. He has been with you during the wounds...the wounds of your heart are on his heart. He collects every tear you have ever shed...we all collect the things that we value most.

Please friends, run to Him. Run to your Papa's arms and let Him love you.

This is a simple post...without lots of words. Spend time in his embrace right now.

Sabbatical Day 38

2008-02-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many emotions we can experience in a day. I think it must be hundreds. We just don't seem to recognize these emotions quickly nor the complexity of our daily emotions...why they happen...what triggers these emotions...

Over the last 24 hours I have experienced incredible joy, thankfulness, love and grace, hope, intimacy in my soul...to name just a few. These blessings have been a direct result of time with Dennis, Lauren, Bess and ultimately our Heavenly Father through them.

The curious thing about this experience is that they each expressed their love and compassion while I have been my ugliest. There was no ridicule or need to fix me. They listened, loved and cried with me. As a result, I have cried my thanks to Papa for His unquestionable goodness and love He poured into me.

You see I am the prodigal. Not the prodigal that took his father's money and squandered away the wealth. No I'm the prodigal that stayed home...the older prodigal.

This may not be the way you remember the story. (You'll find this story in Luke 15:11-32) The older son stayed home, working for his dad and performing according to what he felt was expected. I imagine there were a few conversations between dad and the older son after the younger son left home. Dad assuredly grieved for his younger son, longing for him to return. Remaining in the family business, the older son was probably jealous of the attention and preoccupation his dad had for the younger son. Ah but life goes on and the older son is now free to have it all.

Not until the prodigal returns, do we see the lies buried in the older son's heart. Jealousy, envy, performing for approval all have taken more space in this brother's soul than concern for his little brother.

You see the older son was a prodigal too...maybe even worse than the prodigal who left. Upon returning, the young son knew the full extent of the lies he had believed. Equally, he knew the only way to tranform was to confess and repent. This is humility at the core.

On the otherhand, the older son...well he didn't even know he was a prodigal and didn't have a clue that there was anything within him that required repentance. This is pride at its worst.

I'm the older prodigal. Sin, unforgiveness, shame, inferiority, isolating, distancing and covering my hurt and anger...those are the emotions of the rest of my day. Confessing and repenting this sin, emotions and behaviors...well, let me just say it again. I'm a prodigal too.

I pray I never try to hide it again.

I pray that I will see the truth more.

I pray that I will lay aside the lies in order to live my life loved and free.

I pray for the Holy Spirit's divine supernatural help, courage, counsel and discernment.

Sabbatical Day 37

2008-02-06T13:30:00.000-08:00

Christmas is over but unfortunately some of it still remains...mainly in the form of extra insulation around my middle. Now, all that extra eating doesn't seem like much fun...at least not as much fun as it seemed to be during the parties.

It is so easy to put the weight on and is so hard to take it off. It is equally discouraging to read that we have to burn 3500 calories more than we consume in order to loose one pound of fat. Generally I burn around 400 calories in an aerobic workout. That means if I don't decrease my consumption at all, it would take 9 days to loose one pound...one pound that no one can tell (including me).

Now I'm not very patient and I like to see results immediatly. Plus, I really prefer that it not require such hard work in order to see results. Basically, I'm frustrated by this. But my frustration doesn't change the truth of what it takes to loose weight.

Now I suppose I could purchase the latest appetite suppressant, starve my body, become a fanatic about exercise or use any other over the top approach. However, those may not be the best alternative to plain hard work and a basic change to how I approach food. The result of this hard work can be a lifetime of health and wellness due to the change of beliefs, thoughts and eventually action.

Spiritual transformation is hard work too. I can try to short change the process but there is usually one road to this new life. The road is humility. God knew we could not make this transformation happen without direct help from the Holy Spirit.

As independent as we may think we are, there is absolutely no way we can live a new life without His help in everything we do. Jesus said is so well. While on the earth and faced with being God in flesh He said, "I tell you the truth, the son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does." If Jesus, being God, could not make it without the Father's help, I know I can't.

What blows my mind is that when God sees me, He sees the transformed me. Now go figure...I wish I had those glasses on. I don't know how He does that since He knows all of my messiness but He does.

The transformed version of me has nothing to do with my abilities. It is solely because of the work of Christ. His death and resurrection changes everything from my eternal destination of death to life. I'm not just talking about heaven or hell. I am talking about today...death or life of my soul.

We have the choice of cooperating with His transforming plan. It might be easy or on the other hand it may be hard. Either way He loves us and will continually work to bring about the best for us. We will experience tough times. However, I am assured that even those bring about His change and transformation.

Well I better hit the gym. I still have more "transforming" to do. Easy or hard...either way...I'm hungry for transformation. I'm in it for life.

Sabbatical Day 36

2008-02-05T15:22:00.001-08:00

The thunder storm last night was a fun reminder that spring is around the corner. If God chooses, we will have another spring. Papa faithfully creates new days longing to hang out with us. Before you know it the days become months, then seasons, years and finally at least for us, lifetimes.

During my lifetime, I hope that I can begin to treat these moments as true gifts. All are moments with Him and with His creation. Equally, I am learning to take time with friends . Each moment with our dear ones is an opportunity to receive as well as encourage. Imagine encouragement being the words we speak most to those we love and to the strangers we meet.

What if we could see the image of our Triune God in each person. We would see a part of God. We would speak differently if we thought we were talking to one of Papa's loved ones. When frustrated we would share the truth of our feelings in love without condemnation. We wouldn't hide. We wouldn't deny. We wouldn't ignore. We wouldn't crawl into our shells.

Instead, we would know we are valuable, worthwhile and important. We would become trusting, loving, thoughtful, kind, generous, content...all this fruit would become reality. Falling prey to the enemies destruction would happen less and less.

Interesting, using the word "would" makes me feel as if this is just an idealistic thought...just another "should" or "ought to" in the long list of religious rules. But here is reality. This is the way God intends for us to live with one another. From the words of Jesus, "love one another", to Peter's words "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

Everything we find in scripture is about relationship...with God or with each other. Now is the time to live loved and to freely share love with friends, family and those who seem to be our enemies. Our Triune God is sitting on ready to help us. They are just waiting for the nod.

Take some time to think on this one. Nod when you are ready.

Sabbatical Day 35

2008-02-04T14:43:00.000-08:00

It is an incredible day that God created for us. It is so much fun getting out on a winter's day and being kissed by the sun. I thawed out in the sun on the front porch while enjoying the warm temps.

I read today from John 3. There we find Nicodemus coming to Jesus. It is interesting to see what Nicodemus believes about Jesus. Nicodemus basically confesses to believing Jesus to be from God because of the miracles He has performed. In Nicodemus's mind the miracles proved Jesus to at least have some divine power from God. The word that really caught my attention was "performed."

There are so many times that I expect God to prove His love for me by performing some miracle or helping me "feel" something. This is not faith. This is wanting God to write on walls or to do whatever I ask in order to prove Himself to me. God doesn't need to perform anything in order for His love and grace to be any more real. It is merely stepping out in faith and trust that He is good for His word.

But God is faithful...so incredibly, deeply and eternally faithful to who He is. He never tires of us in our places of faithlessness. He just continues to love and patiently display His glory each and every day.

Drink in his lovely gift of today.

Sabbatical Day 34

2008-02-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

Unexpected pleasures are some of the best. Yesterday I had such an awesome day with Dennis. We set off to spend time at a local coffee shop to catch up on our week. Enjoying Americanos, sharing a cinnamon chip scone and listening about God's work in our lives was a spontaneously fun time. I love these moments. It is so amazing when we find God just hanging out with us. Looking for His touch of grace in our days makes for thankful hearts.

I must admit that even though I knew my soul desperately needed this time of sabbating, a battle raged in my head of all the reasons I should not take this rest. It is extremely hard to seperate ourselves from the identity that the culture forces on us and that we embrace in order to find self-worth. We find identity in our jobs, our homes, our bank accounts, our kids, our social clubs and functions, our strengths, our education, our body...you name it and we can draw identity from it. Unfortunately none of these sources last or fill us in deeply meaningful ways.

God's love is the real source of identity...mainly because we can't fool Him with our facade. But He loves us with our messiness. His love is our identity. His grace, His joy, His peace...is ours. I love these words that Robert S. McGee says in "The Search For Significance." He states that as Christians we are "...deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted and complete in Christ." This is who I am. This is my identity. This is me. Nothing, absolutely nothing this world has to offer can replace this identity.

Sabbatical Day 30

2008-01-30T13:19:00.000-08:00

Cleatice and Earl lived a quarter of a mile down the road from our family. They were our closest neighbors. They lived in a very small farm house with both of their mothers. Cleatice took care of her mother and Earl's mother at the same time. Earl's mother suffered from dementia and Cleatice's mother was extremely frail.

Cleatice and Earl also had 2 children, Betty Ruth and Pete. Betty Ruth lived in the area and Pete lived in Illinois working for the Illinois Bureau of Investigation as an undercover drug investigator. But I am getting ahead of myself.

Both of my grandmothers died before I was born so Cleatice was like my grandmother. She took care of me when mom needed time off or had errands to run. I spent nights at her house even while she cared for her own "moms". She seemed to have endless energy and time for me which always made my moments with her so special.

You could usually find Cleatice knitting away on some project. It might be a stocking cap, an afghan, or sweater. Her projects were like treasures to those who were lucky enough to get them. I still have two sweaters that she knit for me.

Cleatice had a great deal of patience and was an incredible teacher. She taught me to knit before I even started school. She helped me sound out the words Knit and Purl (which are basic stitches used in knitting)in order that I might know which stitch I needed to use. Dropped stitches, happened often with my four year old fingers. But that never bothered her. She easily remedied any of my mistakes. If I had a super big mistake we would rip out the stitching in order to fix the problem. Mistakes seemed easy and were no big deal.

If you walked up to Cleatice's front porch around meal time, you would smell the most incredible aromas coming from her kitchen. Her kitchen wasn't any bigger than my laundry room with even less counter top space and storage. But the feasts she produced were amazing. Her fried chicken was to die for and there was a never ending supply of sweet tea...sweet...cold...wonderful...tea. She always used the same brown pottery tea pitcher. (If you find me wandering the aisles of antique stores, you know that one of the treasures I am hunting is for a pitcher like Cleatice's) She boiled her loose tea then strained it into the pitcher, added sugar and water. Better than McAlisters. Cleatice also taught me how to fry cracklings when frying chicken. To this day I can't fry chicken without the cracklings.

Our little country church often had carry in dinners. Some of the best cooks in the community brought food to those dinners, but none could pass up Cleatice's creations. Whether it was hearty cookin' or something sweet it was the best around.

Afternoons at Cleatices were saved for resting, reading or knitting. When someone knocked at the door, she always hollered "Come In", before she had any idea who it was. She never worried about strangers. Everyone was always welcome.

While I was still very young tragedy struck Cleatice and Earl. Pete, their son was murdered in a drug investigation gone bad. It was all over the news. The tragic loss of Pete's life left a widow and 2 young children. I remember the sadness and grief that fell over the community as we gathered around Cleatice and Earl. For months the TV stations would have clips about the murder and investigation. I watched Cleatice. I never saw anger, even though I am sure she felt it. She just became quiet in her grief.

With time, her singing and cooking returned as she worked through the grief. She was still loving those around her, caring for her family...and a little girl who thought of her as grandma. She and Earl took the place of honor as my Grandparents at our wedding. An acquittance asked her if we were related. Cleatice responded, "No, Cathy just doesn't know any different. To her I am Grandma."

God is so gracious. He saw to it that a woman down the road would love me as I was. She had time for me and always encouraged me...especially in my music. I began singing in church at the age of 4 and playing piano by 6. Never once did she point out my mistakes. (Remember mistakes were easy to remedy) She always supported me and blessed me with her words of endearment and love. She lived out the apostle John's word found in 2 John verse 6, "...As you have heard from the beginning, His command is that you walk in love."

Cleatice is gone now. She went home to be with the Lord a few years ago. Her legacy of love still lingers in me. I will never forget her. I will always be thankful for her and the way she showered me with Christ's love. Cleatice readily shared Christ's love with others. I am one of those touched by God through Cleatice. For that I will always be thankful.

Sabbatical Day 29 - Fear of Rejection

2008-01-29T11:55:00.000-08:00

Fear of rejection can motivate us in our relationships in some pretty unhealthy ways. Some of behaviors that relate to my fear of rejection include:
...being easily manipulated
...being hypersensitive to criticism
...being defensive
...reacting strongly when others disagree
...allowing only superficial relationships
...exhibiting shyness
...being passive
...depression

Yes unfortunately I have done all of these at one time or another. I wish I could say that it has only happened once or twice but that would be an exaggeration. I know I keep coming back to this subject of approval, but I believe it is more prevelant in our society than we care to believe.

We cover it up, masking it with our successes and prosperity. Yet if we stop long enough, we find that the masks intended to keep us safe from rejection and disapproval, are flimsy, penetrable shields that do nothing to protect us from the emotional pain of rejection.

Much of what I am learning comes from the time I have spent with a trusted counselor, dear mentor and a study I am experiencing in the book titled "The Search For Significance." All of these combined keep driving home the truth about who I am behind the protective soul gear that I wear.

Unfortunately this fear of rejection has manipulated me and I have used it in turn to manipulate others. It really is quit ugly. No wonder, it never does anything for relationships. I use manipulation to control the outcomes of situations and behaviors of people.

We alienate people, defend our positions, bully our way through problems and praise folks in order to help us make our goals. James 4 talks about this in detail. James states "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? (ie like my need for acceptance) You want something but don't get it (yep those strokes and cu dos don't come often enough to suit me) You kill and covet but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." (Italics mine)

Whoa...If I could go back to many of the fights I have had over the years in order to find the real root of the quarrels, I venture to guess that much of it would be from my addiction for approval.

I want to become the friend that seeks others good instead of my goals. I want to linger in conversations and really ask myself "What am I trying to accomplish? Is this for their good?" I long to communicate genuine, heartfelt appreciation for others instead of the counterfeit praise that rolls off my lips too easily. Christ's sacrifice deems all people as worthy. I want to be able to lock eyes with God's children and see the very ones He moved heaven and earth for...kids just like me. Then just maybe I'll begin to live in the words of Paul..."Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interest of others."

Tomorrow I'll tell you of stories of one of the women in my life who loved me in deep ways. I have a rich heritage of people who have poured into me all that God has given them. Can't wait to share it.
Until then,
Cathy

Sabbatical Day 28 -

2008-01-28T14:42:00.000-08:00

I say this often. With each new day I mean it more and more. I am so thankful for Jesus...for His love...His sacrifice. It is a love that is not dependent on me. His love is complete all by itself. He doesn't need me in any way in order to be fulfilled. He is complete with life in all of it's fullness. Yet, He desires me. He longs for me. He wants me just because He is crazy about me. Everything good that He is He shares with me. He shares God's Kingdom with me. I am an heir to all that is His.

Imagine for a moment...You and Jesus... sitting side by side. God is asked "Who do you love the most?" His response, "I love them equally". Wait a minute...equally...not one more than the other? We are all loved equally by our Triune God. That makes me God's daughter, Jesus' little sister, adopted with all the full rights of kinship. I am Papa's child...His little girl. I still can't seem to get used to that. I try that title on feeling uncertain and definitely unworthy. But this truth is changing my beliefs and ultimately my life.

Each day I begin with sitting still before the Father and just repeating to myself, "Papa, I belong to you."

I remember years ago when I was about 4 or 5, I would go to the feed store with my Dad. When it was just him and me, he would always buy me a bottle of pop for a nickle. We would sit in the feed store to drink the pop in order to return the bottle. Usually someone would come into the store that knew Dad. Often he was asked, "So who's this little girl?" Dad's reply was always the same. "This is the babe." Those words always made me feel loved, secure and accepted. I would sit closer to Dad's side, a little straighter and taller just because he recognized me as his.

When our heavenly Father calls us His kids, we can know that He sees us with all the rights and privileges of being His. We can go to Him without fear. We can ask anything and know we will not be laughed at, ridiculed or condemned.

I am gripped by what He has done. More than anything I want my life to reflect God's tranforming workmanship in my feeling, my beliefs, my attitudes, and ultimately my behaviors. Jesus paid not just for my sin...He paid for the righteousness given to me. His righteousness is mine. He traded my ledger sheet of sin and filled up my spiritual and emotional account with His righteousness, goodness, peace, joy...His complete and full life.

This is our inheritance as His kids. Believe it. Let it transform you. Live it my friends. This is all we need.

Sabbatical Day 27 - I Am Free

2008-01-27T14:27:00.000-08:00

Responsibility and Expectations. These nouns are heavy, almost to the point of burdensome. We all feel the burden of responsibility at work, at home, in our community, churches and even with God. Equally, we live with expectations...some spoken, others unspoken...some from our own paradigms of what we think God or others expect. Then of course, there are the unspoken expectations we have of God and others that generally lead us down the trail to disappointment and hurt.

Today you generally will find a couple of the headings on job descriptions titled Roles and (you got it) "Responsibilities". We are judged by how successful we are in carrying out those roles. Any perks, advancement or cu dos depend upon our abilities to handle the responsibilities with ease, fluidity and teamwork. Rarely do we experience high fives for just showing up. No wonder life becomes a performance and our jobs are the stage.

What if we change these words to responding and expectancy? What if we changed life to living? What if we changed nouns into verbs....growth into growing....love to loving....relationship to relating? What if life was actively participating in being and relating with the God of our universe?

Today I had one of the most awesome worship times in my church. I left expectations and responsibilities behind. Responding to God in expectancy was transforming. It was like leaving behind the comfort zone of the past and falling into His arms of grace. I knew Papa would be there to meet me, welcoming me into His presence. It changed my whole perspective of our time.

I have found a new song written by John Eagen and performed by Desperation Band. It is awesome...go look for it on Itunes or your favorite MP3 source. Read the truth in this song. Meditate on it. Do you believe this truth that you are free? Do you believe it for everyone else but you? Why? Dear friend stop for just a moment and soak in this truth. YOU ARE FREE BECAUSE OF JESUS CHRIST. Free to run, free to dance, free to love, free to respond, free to live for Him.

I Am Free
by John Eagen

Verse 1
Through You the blind will see
Through You the mute will sing
Through You the dead will rise
Through You all hearts will praise
Through You the darkness flees
Through You my heart screams I am free

Chorus 1
I am free to run
I am free to run
I am free to dance
I am free to dance
I am free to live for You
I am free to live for You
I am free
I am free

Sabbatical Day 26

2008-01-26T14:55:00.000-08:00

Honesty is risky business. It requires us to be authentic and truthful. You must have the courage of a warrior to enter into honest discussion. Misunderstanding along with the good old fashioned dose of fear keeps us hidden. The result...deeply inhibited relationships.

I would guess that we all have one or two inhibited relationships in our lives. My next guess is that we are tired of the charade. I wish I could say that all my relationships have been authentic. However, that would be a lie. Hum....maybe I'm beginning to make some head way. LOL

Scripture tells us that love rejoices in the truth. Why do we struggle with truth? What do we fear? For many, it is the fear of how the truth will be received. Equally, we seek to control and manipulate the outcome of our situations, so we hide truth and authenticity in the closet. We hide our true feelings of hurt. We hide our sin. We hide our thought life. We hide our failures. We hide the difficulties of our marriages...the difficulties with our kids. We hide and think for some reason we can live hidden behind closed doors.

With each day that we hide, we loose a little more of ourselves. We feel less, love little, seldom celebrate, and convince ourselves we are not angry because we don't "feel angry". Our response to life is lukewarm...it is gray. God's response to life is vivid HD color. Truth is who He is. Love is who He is. He cannot ever be anything else than who He is.

Living life as He intended is sharing in that HD color. The first place to practice honesty is in my relationship with Papa. It is refreshing...like a cold drink of water on a very hot day. I want more than anything to live the rest of my days being who He created me to be. The doing will come out of the being. For now, I am enjoying the journey of this relationship with Papa....just hanging out...just being honest.

Sabbatical Day 25 -

2008-01-25T18:03:00.000-08:00

As much as you never like to see your kids sick or hurting, today has been rich and full. I spent the day with Lauren as she convalesced after surgery to remove her wisdom teeth. We have a saying around our house that says, "Money just makes you more of what you already are." Well I now have another saying. "Anesthesia just makes you more of what you already are." The nurse wheeled Lauren to the car and with her mouth full of gauze she was giggling so hard that tears ran down her checks. She told me that when she woke from the surgery she giggled at the doctor and gave him the peace sign. (You had to be there. She was hilarious. The more she laughed the harder I laughed. Her jaws were hurting and my abs were killing me) We have giggled all day...until our sides hurt. Out of the abundance of our hearts flows God's goodness, in Lauren's case an incredibly light heart and fun sense of humor.

My day has been spent doing exactly what I wanted to do. With no feeling of obligation or worries about what needs to be done, I have journeyed along with Lauren desiring to attend to her needs. It has been a day of milk shakes, mashed potatoes and homemade noodles. It has been a day of movies and pain killers. Today has been a blessed privilege walking with Lauren during these sacred moments together. I will treasure them in my heart.

I simply want to leave you with this scripture on love. I've decided it is the job description God is calling me to.

Read slowly and take in His truth. From 1 Cor.13 we read...
Love is....
....patient
....kind
....It does not envy
....It celebrates others
....It does not boast
....It is not proud
....nor rude
....nor self-seeking
....It is not easily angered,
....keeps no record of wrong
....Does not delight in evil
....Rejoices in the truth
....Always protects
....Always trusts
....Always hopes
....Always perseveres
LOVE NEVER FAILS.

This is worship lived out everyday by the power of Papa's Spirit. Love is divine. In His love I am free to love without any hidden agenda or expectation of anyone else. It's a "No Strings Attached" Love.

Continuing on the journey of learning to live loved.
Cathy

Sabbatical Day 24 - Papa's Little Girl

2008-01-24T09:15:00.000-08:00

God is so amazing. I know that goes without saying, but each day in His Word brings new life to my soul.

While studying through "Search For Significance" by Robert McGee, a scripture jumped off the pages and landed right in my heart. Act 13:39 says, "And through Him everyone who believes is freed from all things, from which you could not be freed through the Law of Moses." This promise and proclamation of truth is exactly what God wants for me right now. He wants me to be free from all things. Actually I am already free because God has erased my sin and declared me as righteous and innocent by the very blood of my Savior. Unfortunately, I haven't lived there in that freedom, by truly trusting and believing this truth.

For 46 years I have lived with my past, and worried about my future. Today I struggle. I am driven to perfection, performance and approval. God in His completely infinite grace (which I know I have tested) never gives up on me. He quietly and faithfully walks with me, always ready to step in and take over.

The only way to live out this truth is to challenge my past paradigms that I have believed and lived under. Thankfully, God's truth is challenging those beliefs. It is like I am seeing the hope for life in all its fullness for the very first time. Will there be dark moments? Sure. Will I struggle? Definitely. Will there be days that I feel depressed...when God is so quiet that I fear His abandonment? Absolutely. Now with more of His truth hidden in my heart, I can rely on and challenge my old ways in order to live out this new life.

This is a new day, full of God's love and freedom. I am free from my past, free from Satan's schemes, free from guilt, free from shame, free from destructive thoughts, free from past patterns of behavior, free from worry. This is not because of my faith, but because God has declared this to be true.

There is no greater worship that I can give my Papa than to live out each day in His love and freedom. Allowing my life to speak for Him and His glory is reducing my desire for significance. The only significance that is mine is that I am Papa's little girl. I belong to Him. He is mine.

Sabbatical Day 23 - Fun Times

2008-01-23T09:59:00.000-08:00

Some are better than others at spontaneity. I, for one, don't seem to have that gift. My dear mentor has given me an assignment. I am to do one spontaneous thing each day just for the pure fun of it. Imagine, it isn't on my task list, it isn't a part of what I need to do, should do or have to do. Some of the things I have thought of are taking a quilting class, cooking, dance class (Hope Dennis is willing,lol), scrapbooking, antiqueing and yes even cleaning out a few drawers to get my home organized sounds wonderful. Than at the close of each day I am to reflect on and write about my spontaneous fun.

So much of what we do seems to be out of obligation. We feel pressure or at least responsible to do our "A List" before we can ever consider the C or D List. Often fun doesn't even make it to our list. I think it is safe to say that we look at God as if fun isn't a part of His character. He must have had fun creating the world. I can just imagine our Triune God working away at creating earth...stepping back to see the big picture then moving forward to paint in the details....taking another step back...stroking his chin and then with a smile plastered on His face He declares, "It Is Good!"

Well I am off to enjoy some fun. Since He gave me this time off, I think He intends to awaken my soul to the color of fun. I wonder what color that is. Can't wait to see!

Sabbatical Day 22 - Rely on God's love

2008-01-22T07:44:00.000-08:00

Performance is a way of life for so many...me included. We perform to receive and secure acceptance from others. We wonder what others want and then try to sing and dance our way into their good graces. While we do this, we find ourselves empty, anxious and increasingly angry, especially when we don't receive approval. Working so hard for acceptance leaves us depleted with nothing to give.

God tells us in 1 John 4:16 "...Rely on the love God has for us." Rely. A verb that means "to trust.... to have complete faith or assurance that one will not be let down by another." There is is again...that little word trust.

God has always been and always will be faithful. He has never let anyone down. His love is never ending. It is true. It endures forever. It never fails. He is the only one who will not let us down.

I have looked for this kind of love from others. Sadly I have put incredible unspoken expectations on them to fill a black hole of need that their finite abilities where never meant to fill. Only the infinite love of my Papa can fill this vast black hole in my heart. He doesn't just fill it up half way. He makes it overflow. Infinite blackness filled with infinite love.

Rely on the love God has for you.

Day 21 - Learning To Live Loved

2008-01-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

It is amazing how sin steals so much from our lives. Today, God in His mercy revealed again some areas of sin that I have hung on to. Areas such as jealousy, envy, performance, wanting approval and this defensive nature seem to be more real than God's righteousness. I know sin has clouded my heart and mind. I can say all the right things, act the right way and yet not seem to live in the fullness of life that God promises. It's like the color of life is sucked right out of relationships and everything I do.

Over the past 2 months, I have read and reread "The Shack". So much of the transformation that is happening for me is due to the beautiful story of relationship that unfolds between our Triune God and a man named Mack. Mack who through a series of horrible life events, spends a weekend with God. During a conversation with Jesus, Mack comes to the end of himself...a place where performance and saying the right things just don't cut it any longer. Knowing that all of his paradigms for being a Christian have been crushed, he asks Jesus, "So what do I do now?" I love the reply. Jesus says "...learn to live loved."

This is the goal of my sabbatical...that I will learn to live as the beloved little girl wrapped in her Papa's warm embrace of grace.

When our daughter Lauren was little, after baths I would scoop her up in a towel, hold her on my lap and sing "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." Then I would go on to "I love you, a bushel and a peck. A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. A hug around the neck and a barrel and heap. A barrel and a heap and I'm talking in my sleep about you....I love you, a bushel and a peck. You bet your pretty neck I do." She would sit in my lap soaking up the love and truth of those words. I desperately want my children to know that I am crazy about them.

Even more, God wants us to know that He is wild about us. I read from God's word Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love and He will rejoice over you with singing." Could it be that God wants me to run into His lap and receive His love song? Does He want to sing, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray.....?" Does He really delight in me...even when I mess up?

Yes, it is so true. This truth is bringing color back into my life. I AM LOVED. YOU ARE LOVED. Jesus bares the scars to prove it. We need not look any further for love, acceptance, approval, security or significance. Our Father is ready and willing to shower us with His goodness. I hope you hear Him humming a lovely tune while He keeps this day in motion. It's His love song for you and me.

Sabbatical...Day 17

2007-11-28T14:19:00.000-08:00

It takes a long time to slow down enough in order to rest. How often do we hear, "Take some time off and just rest"? It seems we go at such a pace that we zoom right by the important moments of our days. I have lingered over coffee, good books, and beside the ocean with Dennis. I have left behind the shoulds in order to just be. I am listening more, talking less, and living deeper. God is so gracious. He so often says..."Don't be afraid, Don't worry, Don't let your heart be troubled." I don't think I have taken Him at His word. This is where He and I are starting. He's my rock, my divine therapist, best friend, source of real truth. I am loving Him more each day.