Well time is flying. It doesn't slow down for anyone. Reality has hit over the past few days. Our girl is preparing for the adventure of her life. Now it feels that the roles have changed. It is me that needs to be brave. It is me that needs to dry my tears, put on the smile for her, make sure she is rooted in our love and let her go.
Even though everything inside screams to hang on, deep down I know she would never be happy. Our relationship is in the middle of adjusting and transforming. There is a ripping off of what I have known to be parenthood. It literally feels like someone is taking a knife to cut away the paradigm I have believed, needed and clung to in desperation. As this paradigm of belief fades, I find I have no real understanding of what my role should look like. I can look back to my personal story, but quiet honestly don't like what I see. It isn't what I want for our kids.
The only one I know to look to is God. He is recreating me in some pretty wild and amazing ways. Codependence, manipulation and controlling behavior is slowly changing to interdependence, listening and boundaries. I am certainly not there yet. I am such a beginner. But God is graciously leading me through this glorious change. The change isn't easy but it is so good.
May we embrace the tearing away of the old in order that the new can spring to life.